Vandonini

Many thanks to Neville for letting us run this in IrishMagicNews. Neville is a deeply knowledgeable and respected historian on Irish magic, has been published in many trade magazines and performs professionally for children and family audiences. The serialisation of The Vandonini Story is kindly supplied by Neville for publication on this website only. It is © of Neville and may not be reproduced in any form without his prior consent. You can contact Neville through his e-mail here

THE STORY OF

VANDONINI

By NEVILLE WILTSHIRE

All characters are fictional.

If you think one of them is you, you should be ashamed of your self

Michael Mc Halligan , known to his friends as Mickey Mac, lived in a country town. His father owned a financial services agency and his mother ran a craft and souvenir shop. He was the eldest child with three younger sisters and attended a good local school. His parents planned that he should go to university to graduate in Business Studies and eventually take over his father's business. However things are never straightforward and soon after his fourteenth birthday his life took a downward turn when the Magic Bug bit him.

Every year the family visited the nearest city in December. This was to keep in touch with relatives and to do the Christmas shopping. For the children this included a visit to Santa in one of the department stores. Michael at fourteen was too old for this so he extracted the Grotto admission fee from his mother and went to buy something for himself. He came across a small crowd around a black velvet covered counter where a man wearing a fez appeared to be catching playing cards out of the air. `Gather `round and see the miracle of the age`. You too can become a marvellous entertainer and be the envy of your friends. With this wonderful pack of cards you can perform over thirty different tricks. Come in closer and let me show you an example of the miracles you can do` He then proceeded to flabbergast Mickey Mac. A chosen card moved from the middle of the pack to the top, the bottom and into his pocket. It turned up when he spelt his name although the man couldn't possibly have known it. The cards were definitely all different although they behaved as if they were all the same. The biggest surprise was the price. Due to bulk purchase this key to fame only cost £5 and came with full instructions and a money back guarantee. Mickey was waving a note when his mother grabbed him and hustled him out of the shop to the sound of his sisters complaining that `That wasn't the real Santa Claus because He would not smell of beer and would know what they wanted in their stockings because they had written to him weeks ago.

Mickey found it difficult to sleep. The couch in his aunt's house was hard and chosen cards kept appearing in front of his eyes. Next morning he returned to the shop very early and made his way to the salesman's stand. Without his fez he was quite bald and appeared to be slicing playing cards on a photographic trimmer. Not only was he happy to take Mickey`s £5 but actually took the time to show him how to use the pack. This was just as well because the instructions were a very bad photocopy with almost black illustrations and the money back guarantee was for defective workmanship only, not for inability to do the tricks. The salesman told him that to be a good magician one must practice hard and never, never, tell anyone the secret. (It seemed to be all right to sell the secret).

During the Christmas festivities Mickey demonstrated his newfound skill to anyone who called to the house. Indulging Aunts an Uncles expressed astonishment while cousins called him a show-off. His sisters wanted to know why the chosen card was always the three of clubs and there was one disaster when he dropped the pack and the cards spread out face up on the floor.

From now on Mickey was hooked. His thirst for knowledge exceeded the supply. The local library had some books, which he soon knew off by heart. One had an appendix of dealers in apparatus, magic societies and magazines. He wrote to these but most letters came back marked not at this address or no longer in business. He did get a reply from a well known club but they wanted him to be proposed by two members and he had never met any other magicians except the trick pack salesman and he had moved on to fresh pastures.
Mickey could now magically mend a broken matchstick, vanish a coin in a match box and turn three different sized pieces of string into three pieces the same length. He also knew how to find a chosen card in an ordinary pack, which was useful, as his `Magic Pack ` was getting the bottom edges frayed.

Occasionally there had been some magicians on television. Their type of show was far removed from Mickey`s range. To get on the box you seemed need tigers, lots of smoke and the ability to cover up doing nothing by dancing around. He noticed that these people were so highly thought of that show business celebrities turned out in pairs to introduce them and assure the viewers that there were no camera tricks.

It was in the summer of the year he was approaching seventeen and his final year at school that he finally decided to sell the guitar he bought when he wanted to be a pop singer and concentrate on becoming a professional magician.

For the summer holidays the McHalligan family took a self-catering apartment in a busy tourist resort. To Mickey`s delight a well known comedian had an evening show in one of the hotels and his supporting act was a magician. Although he wasn`t supposed to be on licensed premises under eighteen, he looked respectable and got in to the show. It was a Tuesday evening and the audience was a bit sparse so he got a seat at the front.

The magician did nearly an hour. Immaculately dressed and assisted by a beautiful girl, for fifteen minutes he produced scarves from the air to chords from a loud backing track and then found birds inside them. The birds were placed in a chrome cage, which vanished in mid air to a crescendo of music. Mickey applauded vigorously which encouraged the rest of the audience to stop talking and clap politely. The magician returned and performed a series of tricks to patter designed for a larger audience. Amongst the tricks was one with three ropes. Mickey recognised this as the same as his with the bits of string except he couldn`t count them separately or turn them into one long piece at the end. There was a card trick in which cards were repeatedly counted, some thrown away, and there were still the same number left. With some difficulty a £20 was borrowed, burnt and found inside a grapefruit the lender had been given as security. There was also a very noisy trick with three large shiny metal rings linking and unlinking. As these were not handed out for examination it didn't take much to work out that one of them had a gap in it, which the magician kept covered with his thumb. Mickey volunteered to go on the stage and ended up with his head in a model guillotine looking into a bucket on the floor with the words `When I count to three scream as loud as you can` written on the bottom. As a reward for his assistance he was given a free pass for the show `anywhere in the world` and a certificate to say he had assisted and that the magician who called himself CHARLINI had won prizes for magic and was available for all sorts of shows. Mickey came back the following night but was refused as a helper. He still was unable to solve the three ropes and card counting trick. It was strange that the magician made the same mistake of dropping a scarf just before producing some umbrellas and refused to take two £10 notes instead of a £20.

Not wanting to hear the comedian again Mickey went to the door and asked to see Charlini. He was told to wait and ten minutes later Charlini and his assistant came out. Charlini , who said `Call me Charlie, that’ s my real name but you have to sound like Houdini to get booked`. This is my assistant Maggie. Mickey had heard of Houdini but thought he was dead. However he stored the advice away for use when he became a professional. Maggie looked a bit different in jumper and jeans and didn't appear very interested in Mickey`s broken and restored matchstick.

During the remainder of his holiday Mickey visited Charlie three times. It turned out that Charlie also did a bit of dealing in magic tricks. Mickey bought a book of `Card tricks you can do` by Charlini. He was disappointed that it didn't contain the trick where you counted and threw away cards and when he asked Charlie about it he told him that he would need to be doing magic for at least three years to before attempting an advanced trick like that.

Charlie also loaned Mickey a copy of a magazine which was published every week for magicians He found the reports of club dinners boring and the descriptions of card tricks incomprehensible but the advertisements were an `Open Sesame` to unimagined sources of information and merchandise. Within weeks lists and catalogues were arriving and being searched and researched. Mickey lived through the same experiences of many a young hopeful. Acquisition of miracles was limited by the amount of money available, the postal service was never fast enough and there were very few instantly workable items. There was a new language to be learned, -`Dealer Speak` `Ideal for stage performance` meant that the method of working was obvious to anyone closer than 50 metres or slightly to one side and `Suitable for close-up` was so small that it was difficult to see never mind follow what was going on. In spite of this Mickey soon got himself a selection of workable tricks (and half a cupboard of rubbish) and felt that he was now ready to launch himself into the world of entertainment.

Christmas was coming and with it the annual school concert. Apart from the mandatory Nativity Play with sheet wrapped mixed infants milling around a heap of straw, talented students were encouraged to perform. That was until Mickey Mac offered his services to the organising teacher. She had a poor opinion of magicians having in her youth been enticed to help one while on a package holiday. Her memory was of innuendo culminating with what was represented as part of her underwear being waved around tied between two handkerchiefs. However Mickey`s mother was on the parents committee and she assured the teacher that her son would never stoop to anything vulgar and space had better be found on the programme as the teachers contract renewal meeting was due in January. So, Mickey was allocated ten minutes, after the violin solo and before the Irish dancers. He had two weeks to plan and rehearse so he immediately got his parents to buy his Christmas present in advance and sent off for a spectacular production trick hoping it would arrive in time. It didn't. On the day before the concert he got a terse note from the dealer saying that the item was temporarily out of stock and new supplies were expected in a few weeks when it would be despatched without delay. The truth was that they never had it in stock but when an order arrived there was a chap who made it up in his garage but he was busy doing his own Christmas shows.

Mickey had an opener, a couple of tricks for in between, but no closer. He had read that a well-known professional closed his act with the Hydrostatic glass. He had one of these but never used it in front of a real audience. When he did it for his Granny in the kitchen she said, `Let me see that tumbler, it must have a lid on it`. However this was unlikely to happen at the concert where he would have the advantage of a stage and had bought a book of `Heckler Stoppers` Some of these he didn't understand but they sounded smart.

Mickey now had an act. He would open with the stage dark and loud music playing on his C.D. player. He knew this was the right thing to do as Charlini had done it to get the audience's attention at the start of his cabaret act. Then he would walk on carrying a flaming torch, which would vanish just as the music ended and the lights came on. He had bribed his oldest sister to work the lights and the music. Then he was going to do his trick with the three different sized ropes becoming the same size. He had copied Charlini's patter about the three bears for this. Next would come the counting cards trick which he now knew was called `6 card Repeat`. When he bought this he had been surprised that it was so easy to do and certainly didn't need three years practice. To close he would do the Hydrostatic Glass.

His mother had a nice plant stand, which with a scarf over it would make a good table easy to carry on. On the day before the concert Micky felt nervous but confident and hoped his sister wouldn't let him down.

The concert was going well. The mixed infants hadn't made too many mistakes and only one of them had cried. The parents were in an appreciative mood and had applauded the violinist's first piece generously. Mickey stood in the wings with his torch well soaked in lamp oil and his matches ready. His sister was at the light switch on the opposite side with the C.D. player plugged in ready to plunge the stage into darkness and start the last two minutes of `Chariots of Fire`. Mickey thought this was good music for a vanishing torch as there was a sort of Olympic connection. The violinist finished, the school principal announced `Now we have something different- (here he looked at the piece of paper Mickey had given him)-The marvellous Magic of Mickey McHalligan` Mickey lit his torch, the lights went out and he waited for the music to start. It didn't. `Start the music` Mickey shouted across to his sister. `I can't find the right button in the dark` she shouted back and put the lights on again. The music started `Put the lights out` yelled Mickey. She did and the music stopped. The stage lights and power were on the one switch. By now Mickey noticed that the handle of his flaming torch was getting uncomfortably hot. He had never had it lit for so long before. The mechanics of the trick made it impossible for him to change hands so he strode onto the dark, silent stage, waved the torch around, it was now very hot, smoky and smelly so he vanished it fairly smartly. This resulted in a bad scorch mark on the sleeve of his best shirt and a searing pain from a nasty burn on his upper right arm. His mother, who knew what was supposed to happen and at that stage didn't know about the damage to his shirt, started to clap. Unfortunately the rest of the audience hadn't realised that something clever had occurred and didn't follow her example. Mickey`s sister knew that when the torch vanished she had to switch on the lights again. This she did and as the C.D. player was still in `Play` mode the music started as well and stopped after five seconds. Some of the audience now decided that this was supposed to be some sort of comedy act and laughed heartily to encourage Mickey. They soon stopped when his mother turned around and glared at them.

The three rope trick went well. When the ropes became the same size there was a genuine murmur of surprise. The three bears patter didn't get the laughs Charlini got but he did get a good clap at the end. With his arm getting more painful every minute counting cards for the `Six card repeat` was a bit of an ordeal. Also, when he was lifting his table on, water for the Hydrostatic Glass spilt on the cards making them stick together. At one stage when he threw away three he only had four left but the audience didn't know or care what was supposed to happen and after he had shown that he could throw some away and still have the same number left five times someone shouted `Don't be a litter bug ` and he didn't have a reply for that.

There was some applause when the water didn't fall out of the upside down tumbler but when he released it over a bowl most of it went on the floor and something round and hard to see hit the edge, bounced on the table and rolled across the stage never to be seen again. That was the end of the act so Mickey walked off to find his exit blocked by the dancers who were coming on next. Especially by their teacher who grabbed his damaged arm, dragged him back on stage and pointing to the soggy cards scattered around commanded him to clean it up because she didn't want her dancers slipping and breaking their legs and its a pity that people wouldn't have more consideration for others so go and get a brush now. Mickey sheepishly cleaned the stage and was horrified to receive a better round of applause for that than for anything in his act.

At the tea and cakes afterwards Mickey was pleasantly surprised by the number of people who told him how much they enjoyed his contribution `especially that bit at the end where you pretended to have a row with the dancing teacher - very funny and so original`. Next day he got a phone call from a local social worker who said he was putting on a show for deprived children and would Mickey do his act. Mickey jumped at the chance but decided that it was time to have a stage name. He remembered what Charlini had said about sounding like Houdini, but he had since come across names beginning with Van or ending in O. He rejected Van Michael and Micini. His second name was Donal and so Mickey Mac became Vandonini the Marvellous Magician.

Vandonini, who is really Mickey McHannigan, known to his friends as Mickey Mac, was facing the first real challenge of his magical career. Following his success at the school concert, one of the parents, a social worker, had asked him to perform at a party for deprived children. Mickey jumped at the chance but was now having difficulty putting a programme together. He had only done ten minutes on the school concert but said he would do half an hour for the party. It was being held in a community hall and two hundred had been invited. It was amazing how many families had decided their children were deprived when they heard there was a free party going.

Mickey decided that he needed special material for this event, which was scheduled for mid-January. As he had let all his relations know that cash was the most acceptable Christmas gift he had money to spend and so made a phone call to a Magic dealer to seek advice on the best tricks for children. The dealer, who could smell profit down a phone line, told him that the secret of successful children's` entertainment was lots of audience participation. The best way to get this was by doing `sucker` tricks and having `bits of business`. Fortunately there were some very good items in stock and he had an excellent book full of good ideas.

So, one week and £200 later Mickey had all the trappings of a successful children's entertainer, Two different coloured wooden cut-out rabbits in heavy wooden covers, a wand which fell to bits when handed to a helper, a strange two door toy house with a metal cut-out rabbit and some cards with pictures of Top Hats and rabbits. He also had a fairly thick book called ` The complete guide to children's` magic. This was written by a man who claimed to be an expert as he had been doing magic since he himself was a child and so knew all about it. Mickey found some bits of business which seemed very funny and a lot of tricks most of which seemed to need a thing called a changing bag that he didn't have. There was also a whole load of irrelevant material, which was no use to a teenager who just wanted to do a show. Stupid things like the best sort of car to have and how to talk to someone on the phone.

Mickey Mac got a useable bit of business when the family went to the local dramatic society pantomime. The Dame, who was the local postman, got great mileage on his/her first entrance by getting the audience to say` hello` five times by pretending not to hear very well. Mickey reckoned that this would make a good opener for the deprived children, as visits to the pantomime would be one of the things they would be deprived of.

Mickey now had an opener; some audience participative tricks and decided to close with the changing rabbits in the wooden covers. The long ordered production box that he hoped to finish with had arrived. The book said that a production was the best way to end children's show. However the box was the size of a small garden shed and he didn't have anything suitable to put in it. Once again he felt he had been misled as the catalogue showed a whole lot of things being produced and said it could be done without practice but not that you had to find the contents yourself.

Two days before the show the organiser rang him to say that there was a slight change of plan. A very large number was expected so they had to split them into two sittings for tea. He hoped Mickey would do his show twice while the other group was having tea. Mickey agreed, as it was another opportunity to perform. He knew the community hall was large with a stage so he asked if there would be a microphone available. As he didn't know what he was going to do if there wasn't he was glad to hear that there was to be a disco as well and the D.J. would let him use his mike.

Vandonini, who is really Mickey McHalligan had persuaded his father to drive him to the venue rather than having to use public transport. He felt it would be better for the Great Vandonini to arrive in a chauffeur driven limousine rather than walk from the nearest bus stop, especially as the community centre was in a pretty rough area. But then deprived children don`t usually live in the best suburbs.

The community centre had a sign saying `No ticket- No entry` and a man on the gate who seemed about six feet in all directions to enforce it. He didn't want to let Mickey and his father through the gate as he `Knew nothing about any magician and nobody was to be let in without a ticket. ` Eventually he agreed to ask the organiser and to his anger found he had to let them in after all. Mickeys father asked if it was safe to leave the car unattended outside and was assured it was because all the known car thieves were inside at the party.

Inside the hall it didn't look like the set up where a magic show by a teenager would be the best entertainment. Disco music and flashing lights were at full volume and strength. The type of dancing going on was either sliding on the polished floor to see how long a black skid mark you could make or going around in groups trying to knock other groups over. Although the party was supposed to be for 5 to 12 year olds there were a lot of teenage girls most of whom had babies in buggies. It was an opportunity for stressed mothers to get all the children off their hands for an afternoon.

The organiser wanted the first show as soon as possible. There was a difficulty finding space on the stage as the Disco lights and speakers were all along the front and last nights Bingo equipment was behind them.

Eventually room was made for Mickey`s two tables. These looked very nice with large silver `V` on the front. One of them had a hole cut in the top. This was because magician's tables are supposed to be like this and you couldn't expect to succeed unless you followed the rules.

There was further delay while Mickey sorted out his microphone. The D.J. handed him one on a long lead but the only stand for it was attached to the console. He told Mickey that ` proper performers` (singers) didn't need a stand and anyway he should have thought of that so why didn't he hang it around his neck on a piece of string. Not a piece was to be found so the D.J. who was very resourceful suggested that as Mickey wouldn't be doing any dancing he could use his shoelaces. There was a further snag as some of the disco lights were connected to the microphone and flashed faster as the volume increased. The D.J. said there was nothing he could do about this and it never worried `proper performers` (singers).

Mickey was now ready to start. The organiser stopped the music in mid riot and announced that the party meal would be served in the small hall and would all those with tickets numbered 1 to 100 please go while those with tickets 101 to 200 were to stay in the main hall for a great magic show.

Nearly everybody made a rush for the small hall. Their thinking was that the first sitting would get the best of the goodies or to get in again on the second sitting. There were also a number who claimed they had lost their tickets either because they wanted to save it for a second go or because they had come in on a ticket and passed it outside to be used again. The bouncer on the door was called in to help sort things out. While he was away from the door a group of about ten that he had barred sneaked in. Eventually the children were divided into two. One lot returned to the main hall for the show while the rest got their party `meal`. This was a plastic bag containing a cheap soft drink in a plastic bottle, a bag of crisps, a toffee bar, two lollipops and a bag of mixed sweets in assorted stomach churning colours and shapes including realistic marshmallow false teeth and sugared jelly worms. Some of the smart ones quickly pocketed one item from their bag which they showed to the helpers as having been left short and were given a replacement, This ruse was detected and stopped after six tries which allowed the not so smart to complain that some had two drinks and they only got one. This complaint they emphasised by banging their bottles on the table and chanting `We want more--We want more`. Helpless helpers then decided to dish out party blowouts and whistles that (sensibly) they had planned to distribute as the children left the building. After this the helpers could truthfully say that they didn't hear anyone complaining because they couldn't hear anything.

Meanwhile, in the big hall Mickey was battling on. His planned `Hello Boys and Girls` opener hadn't quite worked. When he moved to the front of the stage the loudspeakers gave off the most terrible whine. The D.J. was very scathing about this as he moved the speakers forward saying that `Proper performers (singers) knew that if you stood in front of a loudspeaker with an open mike you got feedback`. This sorted out, Mickey started again and said `Hello. Boys and Girls, My name is Vandonini `- at this point he was interrupted by a boy shouting `No it`s not, you're Mickey Mac and you go to school with my brother`. The audience started chanting- Mickey Mac- Mickey Mac- Mickey Mac-. Not knowing what to do Mickey advanced to the front of the stage to try to silence them, this made the loudspeakers whine again. The chant stopped and Mickey had accidentally discovered a child quietening tool which he used many times later in his magical career. There being some semblance of order Mickey went into his three rope trick. There was actually a reaction when they all became the same size and a puzzled murmur at the end. A request for two helpers generated a fight at the bottom of the stage steps and a profane objection from the D.J. about not letting those of uncertain parentage near his equipment. Eventually a boy and a girl were selected. It was difficult to tell which was which as they were both dressed in similar tee shirts, jeans and trainers and had shaved heads.

Mickey took the opportunity to try out one of the recommended ` Bits of Business` which was supposed to be hilariously funny. This consisted of making a rhyme out of the helpers name. He had no trouble with the girl, whose name was Lily,- `This is Lily, I`m sure she`s not silly`. However the boy`s name was Bart and even Mickey knew that he shouldn`t say the only word he could think of that rhymed. The audience did not have the same restraint and began to chant` Bart is a F--t, Bart is a F--t. Again the shrieking loudspeakers were employed and Mickey involved the helpers in counting two piles of 15 cards and making three go from one pile to the other. The boy had some difficulty in working out what 3 from 15 left and the girl seemed to find three extra cards before they were supposed to have left the other pile. All things considered it went well and Mickey managed to get a round of applause for his helpers.

At this stage one of the organisers told Mickey to finish soon as the other children had eaten all their sweets and wanted to be let out. His final trick was the one where the black and white rabbits changed places under wooden covers and had a `sucker` finish. It got off to a bad start when he showed two white rabbits and had to change them to two black ones. (He afterwards put coloured marks on the bases so he never made that mistake again) This change got the desired reaction of `You turned them around` so Mickey showed them how clever he was by showing the other sides were red and yellow. Instead of the tumultuous applause he expected, there was a nasty sort of snarling noise and the audience erupted into a chant of `Cheater- Cheater- Cheater`. The show finished as the tea room door was opened and the organisers tried to get those who had been fed out and those who hadn`t, in.

Mickey started his second show to a smaller audience than the first. This was because the smart ones reckoned that if they went into the tea room again they would get a second helping of goodies. The opening. where he got the audience to shout `Hello` louder and louder, went well. So well that some of the shouters got a second helping of goodies by regurgitation. The audience discovered that shouting made the disco lights flash so Mickey had to use the shrieking loudspeakers again. The rope trick got a good reaction and the cards across held the attention of at least the front row. This could have been because the girl helper threatened to come down and sort them out if they didn`t stop slagging her. As he was doing well Mickey decided to do his trick with the pictures of rabbits and top hats. This again involved counting and after he had counted out the third pile of three cards the audience started chanting `Boring-Boring-Boring`. Mickey finished quickly and went into his last trick with the colour changing rabbits. He was just working up to `You turned them around` when the tea room door burst open and his first audience arrived again. As they had seen the trick before they began to yell `Yellow and Red- Yellow and Red` which sort of killed the climax stone dead. Mickey finished up rapidly, the D.J. called for a big hand for the Great Vandonini, which everybody ignored , and turned on the music at full volume.

Mickey Mac packed up his things quickly as the noise of the Disco was hurting his ears. He now knew why the D.J. wore headphones. As he carried his case and two tables down the stage steps one of his shoes fell off and he had to crawl under the stage to retrieve it. His shoelaces were still around his neck. As he made it through the unruly mob to the door where his father was standing so he could watch his car, two good things happened. The organiser thanked him warmly, saying that the entertainer at the last party (a singer) had given up after two songs and a boy with the remains of sticky sweets on his cheeks said `Hey mister! How did you get them rabbits to change colour? Come on you can tell me, I won`t tell any of the others` Mickey gave him one of the smart answers he had read in The Complete Guide to Childrens Magic,- Can you keep a secret? Good, so can I. This made the boy angry and he said that the show was rubbish and the singer they had at the last party was better. Mickey knew he had won that round.

On the way home, Mickey`s father gave him a lecture on the `stupidity of wanting to be a professional magician if all you can get is an audience of animals like that and you had better concentrate on your studies so you can go to college, get a business degree and come into the business with me.' But Mickey wasn`t really listening because he knew he had just fooled some of the toughest kids around and he was trying to work out how to make a microphone holder out of coat hanger wire so he wouldn`t be humiliated by the D.J. next time.

You will remember Michael McHannigan, known to his friends as Mickey Mac, who became ‘The Great Vandonini‘ during his late teens. Although he wanted to leave school and become a professional magician as soon as possible he complied with his mothers pleading and his father's insistence to go to college and get a business degree. This is what his parents believed. It was really because he met a children’s magician called Wally the Wizard at a local festival. He told him to forget about reading magic books and start learning about sales and marketing as it wasn’t any good being clever if you couldn’t sell and know if you were making a profit. He himself was a good example as his act consisted of three tricks, an interlude where he hid behind a doll whose lips moved and a one balloon animal which took five minutes to make. The business acumen showed when he sold a bag containing 3 balloons with instructions for a one balloon animal, a duplicated sheet of simple tricks and puzzles and picture to be coloured and sent back (with 4 stamps for handling) for entry in the ‘National Children’s Art Competition‘. A ‘famous artist‘ would judge this and the winners pictures would be submitted for inclusion in an ‘International Art Competition‘. Winners would be notified. As there was no space for a name and address on the pictures very few came back and those who did got a postcard thanking them but regretting that their picture had not reached the standard required to go to the next stage. This item made about 300 % profit and got rid of the black and white balloons he couldn’t use. Wally gave one of these packs free to his helper so every body would want one.

Mickey Mac now found himself in September at college in a large city able to follow his passion for magic. He had a generous allowance and lived in a small bedsit owned by an aunt. First year exams were nine months away so he started to infiltrate the local magical scene. The Yellow Pages gave him a list of names of Magical Entertainers each of whom claimed to be better than the others. One of them `Magiconi` had five different ads covering various types of acts from close-up to stage illusions with kids shows, ventriloquism and mind reading in between. Mickey Mac phoned him several times but always got an answering machine. Presumably someone that talented was too busy doing shows to answer the phone himself. Not so. He worked on shift in a factory, doing a lot of overtime to make a decent income.

Mickey tried another called ‘ Santano‘ whose ad had enthusiastic comments attributed to celebrities. ‘The best I’ve seen‘ and ‘A brilliant entertainer‘. Really edited versions of ‘The best I’ve seen tonight‘ and ‘Could be a brilliant entertainer if he wasn’t so arrogant. ‘ A lady who informed Mickey that she handled all the business arrangements answered the phone. On learning that this was not a booking and Mickey wanted to make contact with other magicians she told him that he should ring someone else as he had picked the only full time professional in the book. The others were all amateurs with day jobs and Mr Santano did not mix with them, as they only wanted to copy his act. Santano was really an ex bus driver who had discovered that a pain in the back was a passport to a disability payment and he didn’t need a day job.

After several more frustrating phone calls including an encounter with a deaf granny and a chatty four year old, Mickey found, amongst the smaller ads a man calling himself ‘Tricky Teddy‘ but whose real name was Eddie Grey. He was very friendly and a committee member of the local magic club, The Magical Mystics. This club had been in existence for forty years. Eddie had been one of the founders and there were about thirty members. There was another club called the Real Magicians Circle. This was set up five years ago by Santano who had been a very enthusiastic member of the Magical Mystics in its formative years. Indeed he had been made an Honorary Life Member in recognition of his fund raising activities. However he got miffed when he was beaten in a close up competition when the wrong card stuck to the ceiling. Santano claimed that the spectator lied to embarrass him and so formed his own club for ‘Real ‘ magicians. He still came to Mystics meetings as he did a bit of dealing and to pass derogatory comments about any tricks that were performed. Irreverently, members of the Real Magicians were called Santano‘s Stooges as when he did a full evening show some of them usually turned up as volunteers for his hypnosis demonstration. He was nicknamed ‘The Great Suntan‘ as he claimed he regularly flew to the middle east to entertain at Sheikhs private parties and wore make-up to look sun burned. Eddie promised to send Mickey an application form and told him that he would have to do an audition in front of the members before being accepted. If he got the form back quickly he would be in time to do this at the start of season meeting in October which was always the Annual General Meeting.

The application form arrived a few days later. Mickey was surprised that a club for people interested in a fun hobby would demand so much. They wanted details of age, education, magic status and asked if he had ever been expelled from any magic organisation. He had to sign a declaration that he would not expose any modus operandi (he was expected to know latin). Another requirement was that he would not ‘place any legitimate performer in a predicament while that person is before an audience‘. Presumably this was to stop him saying ‘I know how that‘s done‘ and could lead to condoning mediocrity. Anyway he couldn‘t be expected to know the details of all performers parentage. The item that troubled his conscience most was where he had to state he was opposed to cheap literature wherein magical secrets are exposed. Mickey hoped they didn’t know about his half price, remaindered copy of the Mark Wilson Magic Course and Wally the Wizards Bargain pack. He sent off the form and was delighted and excited to be summoned to perform a ten minute audition on the night of the Annual General Meeting.

Mickey decided to show how versatile he was at the audition. First he would do the `Colour changing silk` as he had practised the `acquitments` with the gimmick very carefully. Next would come his favourite `Three different size pieces of rope into three the same size` and he would finish with his latest purchase `Signed card into wallet` to show how up-to-date he was.

The meeting was held in a city centre hotel and Mickey was requested to be there at 8 p.m. to do his audition before the General Meeting started. To be on the safe side he arrived at 7.45, found the room allotted and waited until 8.20 before anyone else arrived. Later on he was to discover that there was always a meeting before the meeting in the bar and nothing happened in the room until at least 9 p.m. The first to arrive was Harry Browne (known professionally as ENWORB) the secretary, complete with bulging briefcase. He knew Mickey was expected and explained that the Annual General Meeting was usually poorly attended as the evening was taken up with reports and the election of officers so there was no time for tricks. A quorum of half the paid up members was required (15) so they would have to wait to see if that many turned up. If they didn`t the meeting would have to be postponed. Harry thought this was tiresome but that`s what the rules said and you couldn`t run a Magic Society without rules. The rules had been drawn up thirty years ago by the founders who saw themselves as potential company directors and were more suited to the corporate boardroom than a magic club.

Other people drifted in including the President Dan Dudley. He called himself Dan the Diddler and had never been seen to perform a trick. He happened to be the manager of the hotel so the meeting room came at a reduced rate. It was he who encouraged the meeting before the meeting and the meeting after the meeting in the bar as this increased turnover on what was usually a slack night. They were all very friendly to Mickey and he recognised some of the names including Santano.At ten past nine the President asked the members to settle down as they had a prospective new member to audition. Mickey had asked to be introduced as Vandonini and so he was introduced as Valdani.

The audition went fairly well. Mickey was nervous and hoped that the polite applause when he changed the colour of the silk hid the rather loud clink of the gimmick off the marker for the signed card as he ditched it in his top pocket. There wasn`t much applause for the rope trick. Magicians don`t clap someone doing a trick they do themselves as this might only encourage them to keep on doing it and lead to the dreaded `Seen it` from their juvenile audiences. Mickey made a mistake in asking Santano to help with the signed card in wallet trick. When he was asked to sign his card Santano asked `why`? `So you will know which card you chose` said Mickey. `I already know ` replied Santano, `It was the four of clubs`. `It`s to show I`m not using duplicates` Said Mickey. `Why would you want to do that`? asked Santano, `everyone knows there is only one of each card in a pack`. `Sign the damn card and stop being awkward` intervened the President. `give the lad a chance` `I am giving him a chance` Said Santano. `I`m giving him a chance to explain why he wants me to ruin a perfectly good pack of cards. Eventually the signed card arrived in Mickeys wallet but when he asked Santano `Is that your signature`? Santano ruined it by saying `Well , it certainly looks very like it, it could be`. Mickey got a strong sympathy round of applause and was asked to wait outside the room while his audition was assessed.

The members agreed that Mickey was a suitable membership candidate and should be let join. Except for Santano who thought that amateurs should not be encouraged to think they were competent performers just because they could do three tricks badly. He felt that it was far too easy to become a member and there was no status attached to it. Harry replied that there was no rule about this and if they were to limit membership to those who performed well they wouldn`t have many, as most of the members could hardly perform at all. Some members took objection to this saying they performed but were fussy where they did it and they certainly were not going to show their best stuff at meetings as it would only be stolen by other members who were too lazy to work up their own routines. Eventually order was restored and it was agreed that Mr. Michael McHannigan, Stage Name Vandonini ,would be admitted to membership. This was communicated to Mickey and duly recorded in the minutes.

Now it was time for the Annual General Meeting. Harry the secretary pointed out that the rules required a quorum of half the members. There were thirty members and only fourteen present. He was sorry to have to draw attention to this but `Rules were Rules`. Someone suggested that if Mickey paid his subscription then they would have the required fifteen members present. This he did and the President started the meeting again.

`Excuse me ` said Harry. `We now have thirty one members and fifteen is not half`. There was then an argument over whether it should be rounded up or down when there was an uneven number. As there was no rule to cover that situation someone suggested that they should make one and get on with the meeting. Harry said that rules could be changed at a General Meeting but this couldn’t be done then as they hadn`t a quorum according to the present rules.

The situation was resolved when Magiconi arrived. He apologised for being late but his last show, the third that day had been late starting. The truth was that he had been working overtime and dashed home to put on his dress suit so it would look as if he was coming from a show. As he hadn`t had time for his tea he had purchased a take away which he proceeded to eat spreading the aroma of curry around the room. The President objected because he wanted all food consumed to be purchased in his hotel. Harry said there was no rule about that so at last the meeting started.

The agenda for the meeting was:- The Presidents report, The Secretary`s report, The Treasurer`s report, The Librarian`s report, The Election of the Committee and any other business.

The President reported that it had been a good year. They had ten meetings:-Silk night, Coin Night, Card night, No card night, Childrens party, Made it myself night, Impromptu night, Visitors night, Visiting Lecturer and the Annual General Meeting. As well as this they had a very successful convention with over sixty attending including ten visitors from abroad.

The Secretary reported that it had been a very good year. They had ten meetings:-

Silk night, Coin Night, Card night, No card night, Childrens party, Made it myself night, Impromptu night, Visitors night, Visiting Lecturer and the Annual General Meeting. As well as this they had a very successful convention with over sixty attending including ten visitors from abroad.

The Treasurer reported that it had been a very bad year. They had ten meetings and the subscriptions only barely covered the room rent. He had just received a letter from the hotel manager saying that the hire of room was being increased by 20% so unless the membership increased or subs. went up they might have to look for a cheaper venue. The visiting lecturer only attracted a small turnout due to a football match on television and so incurred a loss. The presents for the childrens party had not been covered by the price of admission and the convention had cost £300 more than the registration fees mainly because the visitors from abroad had been treated to a meal by the President. The funds were in a very poor state as they had used up the money from a show Santano ran three years ago.

The Librarian, Nigel, reported that it had been a year very like the last few years. Books were borrowed and he had to chase members to bring them back. They had been given a present of books when a member died but these were all written pre 1990 and so contained nothing of interest to the younger magicians. He said the library needed money to buy up-to-date books and DVDs. Harry said that there was no need to buy new books as, judging by the tricks performed at the meetings the members hadn`t read all the old ones.

The meeting then moved to `Matters arising from the Reports`and Mickey Mac began to realise that what went on in a magic club was not all sweetness and light. There seemed to be a high degree of antagonism between Santano and the President. Why was all this money spent on visitors meals? Why was the hotel putting up its room rates? Why did the President`s friends children get better presents than the others at the childrens party? Was this not all because the President was using the club to further his own interests? The President replied that all decisions were taken by the committee on a democratic basis. It was very easy for others to criticise and if the members were not satisfied they would have their opportunity to take over the club with the next item on the agenda `The Election of the Committee` which he as Chairman was now moving to. Mickey thought that this was a long way from the stated objective of the club. `To encourage the Art of Magic and the Brotherhood of Magicians.

The meeting then moved on to the Election of Committee members. Immediately Santano was proposed and seconded for President by two members on the grounds that the club was being run by people who only had magic as a hobby and used it as a status symbol to impress their business associates. After an argument sparked off by an older member commenting that you couldn`t be good at magic unless you were a show-off wanting to impress others Harry stopped the proceedings by stating that `according to the rules` Santano was not eligible to run for President. Santano exploded as he was an Honorary Life Member for services to the club and as such was entitled to hold any position. Harry replied that that was so but the rule about being eligible stated that only paid up members could hold office or vote at General meetings. As an Honorary Member Santano was not required to pay a subscription and as he hadn`t done so he was not a paid up member. Santano could stand for office if he paid his subscription. However, there was another rule which said that members who missed paying had to pay any arrears due before being re-instated as full voting members. Santano had been an honorary member for five years so he really would have to pay six years subscription. The only way around this would be to resign and re-apply as a new member but then `according to the rules` he would have to do an audition and wait until next years General Meeting.

At this stage Santano stormed out of the meeting muttering about `Mickey Mouse magicians` and `incompetent amateurs`. When Santano left the meeting three of his supporters went as well which raised the question of a quorum again. Harry said that there was no rule prohibiting people leaving a meeting once it started and in the interests of moving on proposed that the committee and officers be re-elected en-bloc. There was no rule against it and there was precedent as this had happened for the past four years.

The President seconded the motion as he was loosing profitable time in the bar. He announced that the committee would meet to draw up the programme for the next seasons meetings, thanked all those present for their continued support and brought the meeting to a close.

Outside in the bar Mickey Mac was surprised to find about ten people who had not been in at the meeting, showing each other card tricks and having a good time. He was introduced to them as a new member and found them very friendly and welcoming. They explained that they never went in to the General Meeting as it was boring and the same people were always elected. It was much more fun out in the bar showing each other the latest moves. One man called himself `Dexterous Derek The Card Expert` and he had it printed on a piece of card to prove it. The card didn`t say in what way he was an expert, possibly in different Greeting Cards or he was a specialist in packaging. He demonstrated to Mickey that he could deal cards from the bottom or centre of the pack and make it look as if they came off the top. He took pride in the moves being invisible and that it took three years of hard practice to achieve. Mickey wondered why anyone should go to so much trouble to learn something that couldn`t be seen but was too polite to comment. Derek offered to show him something called ` a triple side shift` but Mickey declined the offer as he had to catch the last bus. On his way home he thought that his first night at the magic club had taught him very little magic but a lot about magicians.

The following week Mickey Mac got a circular inviting him to join the `Real Magicians Circle` catering for the real needs of real magicians and run by and for real magicians. It was signed by Santano who enclosed a list of professional tricks that were surplus to his requirements he was prepared to sell at give away prices. He also got the new seasons programme for the Magical Mystics. There was to be a Silk night, Coin Night, Card night, No card night, Childrens party, Made it myself night, Impromptu night, Visiting Lecturer and the Annual Convention. Due to lack of support the Visitors Night had been dropped but to fill the gap the first meeting of the season would be `The President Presents`. The President promised an evening of entertaining magic to which members could bring guests for a small admission charge as the club was in need of funds. Mickey Mac looked forward to the monthly meetings as he hoped to learn some great new tricks and share his ideas with equally enthusiastic people.

The year was now moving towards the winter solstice and Mickey Mac had settled into city and college life. He had joined the college dramatic society, as he knew they put on an annual review and he felt this would be an opportunity to do some stage magic. Harry in the Magical Mystics had told him to get as much performing experience as he could and try all kinds of magic before deciding to specialise. He also told him that some of the best stuff was in old magazines especially if you were looking for something other than card tricks which it seemed was the only interest the young people had. Harry could talk for hours about his early days when there were still concerts in halls with decent stages and company and golf club dinner dances with organised entertainment. The latter were Harry`s favorites. At a dinner there were at least four entertainers, a singer, a comedian and a speciality act which could be a magician, an impressionist or a lightning cartoonist. There was also the pianist accompanist who often did an act on his own. This was usually a `topical song` in which the names of the guests were mentioned in a satirical way depending on the current gossip.

Harry said that as well as having appreciative audiences you often were invited for the meal and there were always free drinks for the `Artistes.` Performing conditions in some banqueting rooms were sometimes difficult, microphones were rare and if the platform with the piano was at one end of a long room it was better to do your act standing on a chair halfway along to ensure everyone could see and hear. On arrival you always asked if this was a `Oncer or a Twicer` -doing one or two spots and who was responsible for payment which was usually in cash. Getting paid was known as `waiting for the ghost to walk`

Mickey enjoyed the monthly meetings as a magic club was a new experience for him and he wasn`t as critical as some of the other members.

The first meeting `The President Presents` didn`t turn out quite as planned. There was a sizeable attendance as a good evenings entertainment had been promised. Some members had brought guests and Santano`s supporters came because they maintained the President never performed and they wanted to see whose act he had copied.

On the night there was no sign of the President. Harry, the secretary apologised as the President had been called to a meeting at his hotel`s head office. However Harry was going to do an act and then they were going to have next months meeting `Impromptu Night` for the rest of the evening. Harry did twenty minutes in which he vanished some milk in a paper cone, burnt and restored a borrowed note, got an assistant to stick her hand in a thing that looked like a vegetable slicer and tore a design from a folded sheet of newspaper to rhyming patter. He finished by showing two tubes empty and producing a variety of objects while singing the song `Among my Souvenirs`. There were letters tied with blue, a rose from you and the broken heart was a doll baby which wobbled as if it had a spring inside it. Mickey recognised the style of patter and some of the props from the old magazines he had been reading. Harry got a good round of applause from the visitors and then announced that after a short break, during which the bar would be open, he would be calling on members to perform an impromptu trick. When the meeting resumed Santano and his friends stayed out in the bar and most of the members who were asked to perform an impromptu trick declined on the basis that they had not brought anything with them. Mickey did his Colour changing handkerchief, Dexterous Derek did a card trick in which a card placed in the middle of the pack came back to the top eleven times and Harry closed the evening by tearing the word `GOODBYE` from a sheet of newspaper. The following week the committee received an anonymous letter from a `Disgruntled Member` complaining about the disappointing meeting and suggesting that the President and the committee should resign and let those really interested in magic run the club. The response of the committee was `Santano again`.

The next two meetings were `Card night` and `No Card Night` Mickey expected to see great things from the card fanatics who sat in the bar but it turned out that while they were very good at `moves`, adapting these to an entertaining trick was another matter. Dexterous Derek showed how a card inserted into the middle of the pack came to the top eleven times but got a bit miffed when Santano asked him if he could do it with any card and then handed him a Birthday Card. The other members who performed seemed to do tricks with the aces or a small number of cards they held by the edges as they counted and showed them. Mickey learned that this was something called the `Emsley` count. Mickey grew up in a house where his family and relations played a lot of card games and he never saw any card player hold cards like that.

The next meeting was `No Card` night but very few showed up as a lot of members were only interested in card tricks. Harry always did something, usually from an old magazine and more of historical interest than entertainment merit. Mickey now realised that the club members fell into three categories. Those (very few) who always brought something to show, those who came to see the very few but never brought anything themselves to show and those who came, didn`t do anything and criticised those who did. When asked why they didn`t contribute they said their magic was too commercial to be appreciated by other magicians and they didn`t want to have their ideas stolen. Harry told Mickey that over the years there had been a lot of ill will created by people who wouldn`t share things themselves stealing ideas from others. Unfortunately it was impossible to have a rule about it and there was no such thing as Magical Ethics. Several years ago there had been a major scandal when one member stole another members wife. There was a rule that a member could be expelled if he brought discredit to the club but this was not enforced as the Treasurer objected to losing the subscription.

One of the major events of the club`s year was the childrens Christmas party. This was held in November as none of the performing magicians would admit to having time to spare in December. The children got a show, a cheap soft drink and a bag of crisps, and a gift from Santa on their way home. There was always a good number there as two of the committee had large families and lots of relations. One of these had eleven offspring and their home was known as the only house in the neighbourhood with `wall to wall children`. In spite of there being an admission charge the event always lost money and there were suggestions that the committee spent more on the gifts for their own children. This was denied and it was pointed out that there was no control over who got what as the children all had a lucky dip into Santa`s sack and some more expensive toys were put in to make it exciting. There was also a row every year over the bringing in of the soft drinks. The hotel manager, caught between his bar profit target and the club treasurer sniping about excess margins, compromised by charging more for the room because it was a `public` function.

Mickey Mac had offered to perform at the party. He had childrens tricks that he had used successfully in his hometown and he knew that as an act he would be able to watch and learn from the others. He was told that there would be four acts with an interval after the second to give out the drinks and crisps. On the evening there was a collection of children aged from six months to sixteen years. A contingent of mothers took the chairs from the neatly laid out back rows and arranged them in circles so they didn`t have to watch the show and could chat in comfort. Mickey noted that, sensibly, a lot of space had been left in front of the chairs for children to sit on the floor but, stupidly, nobody had controlled it. The front row was taken up by 9 to 11 year olds who were kneeling up and resting their elbows on the edge of the small platform. This was made from four industrial pallets with a bit of carpet thrown over it. It was a rather uneven surface and made it impossible to move a table on wheels (which all self respecting childrens magicians had to have for a quick get away) due to the gaps between the boards which never matched the space between the wheels. Mickey often came across this type of platform in his later career especially in shopping centres and the answer was to go to the nearest electrical or hardware shop and get some washing machine or fridge cartons to lay on top. This was no use if you were working outdoors in showery weather as the cardboard soon became a soggy mess. Screens had been put at each side of this platform to provide a dressing room area and it was here that Mickey met the other performers. He was surprised to see Wally the Wizard whom he had last met at a country festival. Wally explained that he always moved to the city for the December because he could pick up last minute shows that others couldn`t do. As he wanted to keep on good terms with those who might pass shows on to him he performed at the children`s party which also gave him an opportunity to pass his current phone number around. Harry, the secretary was in the dressing area putting on clown make up, costume and wig. He explained to Mickey that this was his alternative character for kids shows. ` Happy Harry` The Hilarious Hentertainer for Hevery Hoccasion. He said the funny spelling was because he was so well educated that he didn`t drop his `H`s but added them on. With a clown act as well as one in your normal clothes you could sell repeat business easier. It was a well known sales principle that it was easier to sell to existing satisfied customers. For him, offering variety meant two thirds of his work was with previous bookers. The clown act was more suitable for the older age group as if they were smart and cheeky a clown could be smart back in ways a normal adult shouldn`t. If the children said `We know how you do that` the clown could reply, `Well, what do you expect from a clown? Clever stuff`? As this audience had a high proportion of magician`s children in it they were going to be magic wise and not easily impressed.

Tricky Teddy was also there to do a short act and then introduce Santa who was to be played by the President. Wally said he wanted to go on first as he had to get away to meet some potential clients. He really didn’t, but knew that at a magicians kids show it was better to get on first because then you could do all the classic bits of business and use standard props before the others. So the running order was: The President to do the welcoming speech, Wally, Happy Harry, the interval for drinks and crisps, Mickey Mac as Vandonini and Tricky Teddy to close the show and introduce Santa.

The show started with the President welcoming everybody and using the Hello! Can`t hear you ! Do it louder! opening. Mickey had planned to do this and while he had the sense to ask the other performers what tricks they were doing he hadn`t thought about `Bits of Business`.

Wally the Wizard opened his act by warning those leaning on the platform to move back as he had very big feet and he didn`t want to kick anybody by accident. He knew that having warned them if he `accidently` kicked one who encroached on his territory he was less likely to be sued. It was the same idea as having a safety warning on power tools. It didn`t stop accidents but it made it harder to complain. Wally tore and restored the comic section of a Sunday paper. This was cheaper than buying comics as newsagents threw them out on Mondays if they hadn`t been sold. He just had to get there before the waste collectors. He then took a large doll dressed like a small boy from his case and had a conversation with it. He ignored the shouts of `That`s you talking` and tried to get the children to join in singing `How much is that Goggie in the wingow`. He finished by showing a battered top hat empty and then producing a lot of scarves from it. Mickey, standing at the side was impressed by his audacious loading method. He showed the hat empty to the `People on this side, and the people in the middle and the people on this side and the people behind me. Oh! There isn`t any one behind me`. This gave him the excuse to turn his back to the audience and move the bundle from under his coat into the hat. Wally produced all the scarves and then asked the children `What else would you like me to take out of the hat? ` With one voice they replied `A rabbit` Wally poked about inside the hat and said `Sorry He`s escaped. But he really was there. He wasn't- Oh yes he was - Oh no, etc. He was, I`ll prove it to you. He`s left his visiting card` He then took out a large handful of raisins and threw them all over the audience. The mothers were horrified to see their offspring fight to pick up and eat what appeared to be rabbit droppings. Sometimes when Wally was working in a field at a country festival there were already real rabbit droppings on the ground with very strange consequences.

Happy Harry was on next. He didn`t use the shouting hello opening. He asked `Are you happy` and when the answer was loud enough replied No, you`re not-Yes, we are-etc.` No you`re not, because I`m Happy, Happy Harry here to hamuse hand hentertain hyou` He then got three minutes out of taking off his gloves. Mickey was surprised how much the children laughed at having three or four gloves on one over the other and stored the idea away for future use. Harrys act was mainly concerned with the antics of a cat picture which moved between two dustbins, changed colour and disappeared to arrive hanging on Harry`s back. Before the show Mickey had ascertained that Harry wasn`t going to do Elusive Rabbits, Run Rabbit Run or Farmyard Frolics. This was true but Harry had killed them off by using up the `Open the other door, Turn it around and It`s on your Back` routines. Mickey`s possible act was getting shorter and he saw Tricky Teddy put away a trick with a large die and big cards with Bees and the word STUNG on them. All the time Harry kept adding `H`s to his words. His magic words were HABRACADABRA, HALAKAZAM and HIM HALA HIM. He used all three because this filled in more time and didn`t have to be carried. This didn`t leave much choice of word for Mickey who was becoming more worried every minute as his act was used up. Harry finished by saying `Hit`s bed hime` He held a large wand up in front of him which unrolled to show a picture of a person in a night shirt with a hole in the head for Harry to stick his face through and shout `Hood Hight, Happy Histmas`. The children didn`t laugh or clap very much but it got him off. Tricky Teddy sighed and put away the big wand he bought from America which turned a helper in to a picture of a rabbit.

The President then came out to announce that there was a drink and a bag of crisps for everybody provided they stayed sitting in their place. This meant that they all stood up to see where the goodies were coming from and the big ones scattered the little ones to be first to grab. Order was restored when Wally produced a whistle and blew it hard. He knew from experience that most children played team games at school and were trained to stop when a whistle sounded. This gave a five second window to give instructions. After calming the six year old who was screaming and throwing a tantrum as she wanted an orange drink because her mummy said cola made her hyper, the President said that as it was getting late they were going to get on with the show. Mickey had asked to be introduced as Vandonini so the President said `And here is one of our younger members to try out some of the tricks we have taught him. Please give a big round of applause to-VANANTI.

There was very little clapping as it is a difficult thing to do if you are holding a bag of crisps in one hand and a soft drink bottle in the other.

Mickey had to drop a lot of his planned act and was reduced to four items. He was opening with the colour change silk dyeing and came on ready to start. He was met by a four year old demanding that he open her crisp bag for her. His first two minutes was spent opening bags and loosening bottle tops. At one stage he dropped his gimmic and it was politely picked up and handed back to him. When he successfully did his colour change nobody said `you did it with that pink tube` they just satisfied their childish straightforward logic by saying `you had another one`. He did successfully play up the ten-year-olds by keeping an empty hand tightly closed and pretending he didn't know which was his right or left.

. Trouble started when Mickey showed three different sized bits of rope. A voice shouted `I know that, they all get the same size, my Dad has that`. This was disconcerting enough but it coincided with most of the children finishing their crisps and popping the bags. Then the bigger ones knew that an empty bottle could be used to make a noise like a fog horn and the bottle top made a handy missile. Mickey learned from this to try to avoid feeding time and later on found he could score points with party organisers by ensuring that the crisp boxes were left for the litter to be deposited in. He had seen Wally, at the end of an outdoor show, ask the children to pick up all their sweet papers. Most of them didn't but it made him sound good.

Mickey was now battling with the effects of fizzy drinks on small bladders and a procession to the toilet and tinies standing up demanding their mothers take them. He finished with the trick where cards with pictures of rabbits and top hats were counted out in four piles and all the rabbits came together. A sort of a four ace thing. He managed to get the children counting 1-2-3 along with him. There was, as usual, the attention getting brat who insisted on counting`1-56-4` and another who chanted `1-2-3. Your mother caught a flea`. Some of the children thought this was very funny. Mickey was discovering that what adults believed was funny for children was not always what they laughed at amongst themselves. However it didn`t work when an adult tried to use their humour. They thought it was stupid and patronising. It seemed to work if you were dressed as a clown like Harry because clowns are supposed to act silly.

Tricky Teddy came on empty handed. He requested the help of a `brave boy, preferably one who is not very clever so he won`t know more than I do`. He had plenty of choice of boys insisting that they were stupid in spite of the attempts by mothers to get them to put their hands down. There was a bit of a shocked silence from the grown-ups when Teddy said he didn`t want a girl to help as when girls got frightened they cried and wet their---handkerchiefs. The girls protested and the boys started chanting `knickers, knickers`. Teddy admonished them for being rude as HE would never say a thing like that. The chosen boy was brought on stage and introduced to a piece of apparatus which Teddy called `An ancient chinese lie detector`. The idea was that the boy put his head through a hole in a frame holding a metal blade and if he was truthful the blade would go through his neck without harming him. It was decorated with a rather racist caricature of a chinese person. Teddy got the boy to kneel down with his head through the hole. He explained again that if the boy told the truth the blade would pass through without harm but if he lied it would chop his head off. A bucket was placed in front `in case of an accident` and later moved behind the boy `in case he got scared`. The boy was asked several questions like `Did you get up this morning` and then Teddy worked the audience into a sadistic frenzy of shouting `Chop it off, Chop it off`. Eventually the blade was banged down and the boy emerged unscathed. He got a good round of applause and the comment from the boy`s mother that it was a good trick but a rotten lie detector.

Teddy then announced that a message had arrived from Santa who couldn`t find the party so the children would have to sing so he could hear where they were. After several increasingly loud choruses of `Jingle Bells` and `Rudolph` Teddy said it didn`t look as if Santa was coming and they could all go home. At this, Santa walked across the stage behind him generating an exchange of `There he is!` `Oh no he isn`t`. Eventually Santa was caught and he said he had a big sack of presents and everyone would be able to have a Lucky Dip as they left. Harry stood beside Santa and called out the names and Mickey was asked to keep watch so nobody got two dips. Mickey noticed that the committees children seemed to be getting the better presents and that before they dipped Santa closed his sack and opened it again. It slowly dawned on Mickey that the sack was a giant changing bag and on hearing the name Santa opened the appropriate side. The children and their mothers left to collect the fathers from the card trick session in the bar and everybody went home happy that there was something to complain about and criticise at the next A.G.M. Mickey was happy because he had learned more about entertaining children in two hours than in most of the books and videos and that the way to acquire skill was by getting involved. He went home for Christmas dying to try out his knowledge on the locals and looking forward to the New Year with the Magical Mystics.

Mickey came back to college early in January. Over the Christmas season he had performed at several local parties and was now beginning to feel confident.. He was beginning to change his opinion of Harry who seemed to be living in the past and hadn`t changed his act for ten years. He had stopped buying new tricks because he said he didn`t need any. His philosophy was that you just needed new presentations. There were frequent arguments over this at the meetings and Mickey was quite confused as he didn`t know which way to go. He was practicing card sleights because this seemed to be the road to acceptance by his magical peers. He did however find it hard to accept that when he performed for real people they didn`t recognise how clever he was when did all the things he used to do with his `Long and Short` pack with one he had borrowed ,

The January meeting of the Magical Mystics was poorly attended. It was listed as `Coin Night ` as someone had said that immediately after Christmas was the only time Magicians had any money. On the night nobody came prepared to do anything. There was a good deal of boasting about how many kids shows had been done in one afternoon. One member claimed he did seven while another said he did only one but got paid as much for it as the first got for all seven. There was also a lot of snide comment about how bad the magicians had been on television over the holiday season, The general feeling was that producers wouldn`t know what good talent was and anyway being on the box was no big deal. Unless you got a series the viewers wouldn`t remember you so it had no publicity value. Mickey noted that these comments came from those who had never been on T.V. When someone suggested that to get this type of work you had to have sales and marketing ability rather than nimble fingers there was agreement that unfortunately crass commercialism was detrimental to the true artist.

The next major event in the clubs activities was the `Visiting Lecturer`. The committee felt very lucky to get him as he was well known for his writings in magic magazines. Outside of that nobody had ever heard of him as he didn`t perform for the public, just wrote articles and did magic club lectures. As he was a schoolteacher the event had to take place during the mid-term break.

There was a good turn out with several members of the Real Magicians Circle turning up as well. These were charged an entrance fee after an argument as to whether they should be let in at all because their club had no entrance requirements and it would be terrible if someone with only a passing interest in magic should be privy to important secrets.

The lecturer explained that as time was limited he was only going to give basic explanations of his tricks. Detailed information would be found in the lecture notes which would be on sale afterwards. He started with a card trick where cards changed faces and backs and eventually matched a chosen card. He ran through the working and revealed that it required some specially printed cards treated to cling together. These would be on sale afterwards. He next showed a childrens trick where cards with pictures of animals changed and the backs changed colour. He ran through the working and revealed that it required some specially printed cards treated to cling together. These would be on sale afterwards. The next item was a mental/prediction where he showed some cards with pictures of objects and correctly predicted which one a spectator would choose. He disclosed that this required some specially printed cards treated to cling together. These would be on sale afterwards. When he showed the next item in which knots on coloured ropes changed places, Nigel the librarian interrupted to say that that item was in a book in the library. The lecturer agreed but believed that most people would not have read it and that the specially dyed ropes would be on sale afterwards. He then did a coin trick which he claimed to have invented but got into trouble with Nigel again who named a book printed in 1920. By now some of the members were becoming less enthusiastic and the argument really started when he described a coin vanish in detail emphasising that putting the coin in the other hand should look natural. Santano asked why he transferred it from one hand to the other. If he wanted it to look natural he should just vanish it from his hand. If he did have to transfer it, the old French Drop was still good enough for the punters and all this talk about Natural Magic was rubbish as the whole point of Magic was that it was unnatural. The lecturer defended his stance on the grounds that his handling was more artistic. This really started Santano on one of his hobby horses. `Art my A--e `! Magic was at best a craft and the more people tried to make it an art the less entertaining it became. The lecturer decided to finish on a high note. This was having a card selected ,returned to the pack and put in a paper bag. The cards shot up into the air one after another and he reached into them and caught the chosen one. He revealed that this was accomplished by a very sophisticated, remotely controlled mechanical device. It would be on sale afterwards and was quite expensive. The device was nicely made and got noises of appreciation from most of the audience. Nigel muttered the words `De Kolta` and said that this was the typical magical hobbyist reaction where they were paying more attention to method than effect. The impression on a lay audience would be that the cards shot up in the air and they went so fast you couldn`t differentiate between one at a time or all at once. He pointed out that the cards rising in the air overshadowed the main effect of finding the chosen card. As far as he knew in the original version all the cards except the chosen one shot up in the air. There were cheaper ways to get the same effect. At the next meeting he showed a simple device made from two bits of wood and rubber bands and a slightly more complicated version made from a remotely controlled toy car.

The President thanked the lecturer for his talk and Santano thanked him for his Dealers Demonstration. The members crowed around to purchase the Notes and items on sale. Mickey bought the notes but never looked at them again. He never saw any of the members perform any of the tricks they bought. When he asked some of the members why they bought things they never used they said they were nice to have and sometime they might come in useful if they got a series on television and had to have a lot of material.

For the Magical Mystics the year was nearing its highlight. The Annual Magical Convention. Circulars had been sent to all known magical enthusiasts in the surrounding area. It was advertised as a small but friendly affair. This was true if you were a visitor and didn`t know about the tensions and rivalries that surfaced every year when a group of magicians assembled to get what they could without having to share too much. There was to be a `Night Before Get-together` on Friday evening, a childrens show at a community centre on Saturday morning and a close up competition on that afternoon. Saturday evening was to have the stage competition followed by the` Midnight Madness` show. Sunday was to start late with a lecture in the afternoon, a Banquet with the presentation of prizes and finally a Gala Stage show. There was to be a Visiting Celebrity who would do a lecture and also do a spot on the Childrens and Gala Shows. The convention would, of course, be held in the Presidents hotel and special rates were available for those staying overnight. Instructions were given to the staff that the usual complimentary toiletries were to be reduced to one bar of soap per person and the fridge mini bar was to be emptied. The President had experience of complaints from guests in the weeks after a convention that the mini bottles, although apparently sealed, contained water and the soft drink cans had been emptied by making a hole in the bottom instead of pulling the tab.

Mickey was excitedly looking forward to this feast of magic and had put his name down for both the close-up and the stage competition. For the latter he had decided to take a minimalist approach and do an act with items he could carry on his person. There was, however, a snag. College exams were coming up in a month and if he didn`t pass he certainly would not be back in the city next year. This meant he had to cut back on his practice time which he felt would be detrimental to his competition chances. He was glad he had withdrawn from the college Dramatic Society who had wanted him to be part of the end of year review. While they would have given him a short spot on his own they also wanted him to dance, sing and take part in comedy sketches. They actually wanted him to attend rehearsals. Mickey felt this was unnecessary as he was an experienced performer and he certainly wasn't going to be told how to perform by a Psychology student who wanted to put a message into entertainment.

For the convention weekend the hotel had made a special effort. There was a banner over the front door welcoming you to the Magical Mystics Convention. In small letters it said `registrants only`. Inside the door were two large cut-outs of rabbits in hats. Close examination of these would show that they had once advertised soap powder but this had been cunningly concealed with a piece of black paper.

Not many turned up for the night before party. On the programme it was listed as an opportunity to get to know each other in an informal atmosphere. This meant sitting in the bar showing each other close up tricks mainly of the card variety. Some visiting magicians turned up but these were treated with suspicion until their level of magical ability was ascertained. Harry met some old friends from out of town and soon they were exchanging nostalgic memories and complaining about how easy it was these days for someone to buy a few tricks and then take space in the Yellow Pages. Unfortunately the public believed that having your name in this publication was a guarantee of competence. Mickey listened to this but didn`t agree. To him it sounded as if they were trying to keep it a closed shop and prevent young magicians from doing what they did themselves. Mickey didn`t stay long as he wanted to get his acts ready for the next day and pretend to his aunt that he was studying.

The childrens show was held in a nearby community centre. The club had done a deal with a residents association to help them raise funds. Mickey Mac had offered his services and three others had turned up. They were visitors who didn`t often get an opportunity to perform for a city audience. The Visiting Celebrity said he might find time to come along later and, as befitted his status he would close the show. Mickey said he would go on first (He had learned from the Christmas show) and another said he would do a glove puppet show to give variety. The third said his magic was story based and was better suited to when the children had quietened down. The last said he was called `Dovini` and was going to do his dove act as children would appreciate some sophisticated magic. Really he had entered for the stage competition that evening and he wanted to try out the act. He was by occupation a pet shop owner in a rural town. His main trade was in food and accessories. The only livestock was doves, some of which had very short wings and were a funny colour. There was a snag as he needed ten minutes to set up his act and there were no curtains on the stage. They decided to have an interval before his act so he wouldn`t distract attention from the other performers.

Mickey had been pleased to see quite a crowd of children outside the centre when he arrived. Very few of these arrived in the main hall for the show. Most of them were heading for the swimming pool but there were also various classes , from Ballet through Judo and Pottery to Yoga, so there were very few children whose Saturday morning was not organised. Their parents were not going to let them miss classes they had paid good money for in advance and certainly were not going to hand out extra for a magic show. The residents association had done its part by putting a notice in its news letter and as they were not going to lose money were not too worried. They had suggested that it might be better to have the show in the afternoon but this didn`t fit the convention programme and anyway no self respecting childrens magician would admit to being available for a free show on a week-end afternoon.

There were about twenty five children and about a dozen convention attendees who came to see if there were any ideas they could use themselves.

Mickey was announced correctly as Vandonini because he did it himself on an off stage microphone. His act went well in spite of there being so few children and half of these wanting to stay up on the balcony. He was pleased to find that there were still some who hadn`t seen three unequal sized ropes become the same length and didn`t know that the back of the white rabbit was red.

`Peter the Puppet Man ` and his furry friends fashion contest followed. He stood inside a chest high screen and brought up animal glove puppets one at a time to a fashion show type commentary.` Here we have Henrietta Hedgehog with a desirable spiky hair do`, and `Next we have Charlie the Chimp in a long haired fur tracksuit` there were eight different animals and after the third the children were tired of giving each a round of applause. They were not very enthusiastic when each puppet was brought back again to find out the winner by registering their applause on an `Applause Meter` on the front of the screen. The children soon worked out that the `Meter` was worked by Peter pulling a thread and even when they didn`t clap the ribbon still went up. Charlie the Chimp always won because it was the easiest puppet to get on and off quickly. The act was a good example of someone buying attractive puppets and not being able to find much to do with them. It would have been all right for a ten-minute spot in a nursery school.

`Septimus the Story Teller` told a tale of children lost in a forest and finding a haunted castle. He illustrated it with trees made out of rolls of paper and a castle made of a square tube around a circular one. It was a pity the children on the balcony could see down inside it and so argued with him when he said it was empty. He left a whole lot of little bits of paper on the stage floor which didn`t make him popular with the caretaker. During the interval `Dovini` set up his act. He had five tables with lots of fancy tubes and boxes which seemed to need very careful positioning. A large number of children gathered at the front of the stage to watch and showed more interest in this than the previous acts.

After the interval there was an increase in the size of the audience as most of the classes in the centre had finished and there was nobody to mind the door. Dovini had brought a fairly hefty sound system and decided to play loud music to mark the resumption of the show. The children who came in didn`t know that this was a magic show and thought it was a junior disco. They were not impressed with the choice of music but enthusiastically jumped around and clapped their hands. The music changed abruptly and a man in a black suit with a funny shaped jacket came onto the stage and started swinging a walking stick around on a piece of thread . While they watched the stick turned into two coloured scarves from which, accompanied by a funny tearing sound, he produced a dove. More scarves and doves were produced from various boxes, tubes, bags and even a burst balloon. Why, if one box could produce them he had to use several was not clear. It was probably something to do with `Filling the Stage` but more likely `Having bought all this apparatus it had better be used`. As the doves appeared they were all put in a bigger box and changed into a large black and white rabbit at the end. The children were impressed and some asked where they could buy the video as they were used to seeing pop musicians do funny things to promote their music. Dovini withdrew triumphantly and the children, most of whom were expecting more music, were asked to give a big welcome to `Your favorite and mine-Uncle Lenny`

Uncle Lenny was the Visiting Celebrity. He had written a book on children's entertaining and so had to demonstrate his superiority. From the time he arrived at the centre things started to go downhill. The carpark was full to overflowing, mainly with parents waiting to collect their children, so he had to walk a considerable distance in his bright red jacket with shiny blue lapels. The carpark was gravelled which meant the wheels on his `Uncle Lenny` inscribed case-table got stuck and he had to carry it. On entering the building he was pleased to hear the happy sound of children shrieking with laughter and having a good time. These children were, he discovered, not at the show but in the adjacent swimming pool. He decided to set his act at the back of the hall as the children were all watching Dovini on stage. As he laid out three different sized pieces of rope Mickey had the temerity to tell him that that had already been done. The Visiting Celebrity replied that it certainly hadn’t been done as well as he did it and it was going to be done again. The result was that he got he dreaded `Boring Boring` chant in the first minute of his act. Although he had written a book on the subject his actual experience was somewhat limited as he confined his bookings to schools where the teachers imposed a certain amount of discipline. A trick where he spelt the names of animals and the helper always ended up with the donkey card failed when the helper couldn`t cope with words of more than four letters. He was continually interrupted by parents who were fed up waiting in the car park and dragged their protesting offspring out. At the end he only had half a dozen left of whom four were on the stage sticking their heads through holes in funny posters and the idea of having a clapping contest to find a winner died a painful death.

Mickey helped Dovini to carry his many bags and containers out of the hall. One thing puzzled him but he didn`t like to ask about it. While the doves were carried in boxes with air holes, the rabbit, which onstage had appeared to be real, was housed in an insulated picnic box with the lid tightly closed.

Back at the convention hotel the other registrants had gathered. The dealers had spread out their wares and these were being critically assessed. There were two types of dealers, those who demonstrated and sold their goods and those who sat behind their stands looking bored and replied to queries as if it was a great honour to be allowed to address them. The latter usually just put out a pile of things and presumed that if you went to the trouble to find something you wanted you would be prepared to pay a high price for it.

As a large audience was expected for the close -up competition it had been located on the stage with a table and two chairs. To make sure what happened on the table top was visible, upside down sugar bowls from the hotel kitchen had been placed under the back legs so the top slanted towards the front. There were four competitors, five judges and an official time keeper. Mickey had put together a routine of card tricks drawn from old magazines and got a good reaction to his version of `Three cards across` because the magicians couldn`t spot when the tricky move had taken place. There wasn`t one. He was using feke cards but this was not expected by the skilled sleight of hand people. Dexterous Derek the card expert didn`t get as good a response as they knew he was very skilled and were jealous. He had a long routine where he dealt out winning hands in a card game but as half the audience didn`t know the rules of it they switched off and started to show each other their version of his previous trick. Harry placed an open case on a chair in front of the table and did his usual act. He vanished some milk in a paper cone, burnt and restored a borrowed note, got an assistant to stick her hand in a thing that looked like a vegetable slicer and tore a design from a folded sheet of newspaper to rhyming patter. He finished by showing two tubes empty and producing a variety of objects while singing the song `Among my Souvenirs`. He justified this by telling the audience that his was a `Close-up, Stand-up Act` and there were no rules against it. The fourth competitor was very nervous and did things with small round sponge balls and large silver coins of no known currency. Unfortunately, due to the slope on the table top several of the balls ended up under the feet of the front row of the audience. One of the supposedly vanished coins landed on the floor as the back of the table was higher than the one he had practiced on. The President thanked the competitors and said the judges decision would be announced at the banquet on the next evening. He also announced that the bars were now open with a wide range of snacks, as the evening meal was not included in the registration fee.

For the Stage competition the set up was exactly the same as for the close up competition with the chairs, table and sugar bowls removed. Six chairs had been reserved in the first row for the five judges and official time keeper. These were supposed to be anonymous but it didn`t take much to work out what the people with clip boards who didn`t laugh or applaud were supposed to be doing. One judge, the Visiting Celebrity said that as it was a stage competition, he was going to sit at the very back. If he couldn`t see or hear the performer he wasn`t giving any marks.

There were four entrants Mickey, Dovini and two others from the provinces. These were well known in their home areas and had most of the local bookings to themselves. As one of these, Duke Silkano (he did things with handkerchiefs) needed time to get his props on and off there was an argument with Dovini because he wanted to go on first as he also had a stage to set with his array of apparatus. The President solved this by deciding that the competition would have an interval (during which the bar would be open) so the stage could be cleared and re-set.

The first contestant appeared to be very nervous. He had a regional accent, hard to attune to, and his anxiety caused him to speak very fast. There was a lot of audience participation in his act but he confined this to the front row containing most of the judging panel. He got people to select clumps of cards which he painfully disclosed. After the first ten they knew he could do it and lost interest. Two helpers were cajoled up to assist in tying scarves onto two ropes which were supposed to come undone magically. It got a bit tangled but fortunately one of the helpers knew the trick and finished it off for him. His final item almost worked when a borrowed ring vanished from his hand and re-appeared dangling from the buckle of his watch strap. He retired to sympathetic applause and then came on again to help lift Dovini`s act onto the stage. Some of the audience groaned because they thought he was coming back to do an encore. It was then that Mickey had an accident when the table he was helping to lift banged into his jacket pocket and broke the egg he had in it. Not only were the gimmics he was carrying covered in a sticky mess but he had a problem getting a replacement after nine o`clock on a Saturday night. The shops near the hotel were all shut but eventually he remembered the hotel kitchen probably had eggs, The kitchen was dark, slippy and smelly. The fridge had a large padlock on it but to his delight there was a carton of eggs near the back door. Purloining one of these he just had time to clean out his pocket before Dovini had finished his act. He hadn`t done too well. The magicians were not surprised when he pulled doves from handkerchiefs and a balloon didn`t burst as planned so the bird appeared on the tray behind it. At the end his rabbit looked a bit bedraggled and lethargic. During the interval Dovini`s props were taken off, Duke Silkano`s put on and covered with hotel table cloths. Mickey didn`t help this time.

Mickey went on to an attentive audience. Those who had attended the convention regularly had seen the other contestants before but his was a new face. He had devised an act where he walked on carrying a newspaper and nothing else. First he tore a sheet off, poked a hole in it and produced a handkerchief. This changed colour in his hand and after a spoof explanation turned into an egg which he broke into a glass to prove it was real. This broken egg was poured into another piece of the paper and vanished. Three cards were selected and Mickey revealed their identity by tearing out their image from the paper. The close of his act was ripping up the remainder of the paper and restoring it with the words GOOD LUCK torn out. Using a newspaper gave the opportunity for reading funny quotations but the biggest laugh came when he broke the egg into the glass. The reason the carton had been near the back door was because it was long past its `sell by` date. The reaction on Mickey`s face to the smell of rotten egg was applauded by the audience who thought he was acting. He retired to a strong round of applause and the lingering aroma of Sulphur Dioxide.

Duke Silkano got off to a bad start as he had to come on to remove the tablecloths covering his props before switching on his music and making his grand entrance. In his haste he pulled over one of his tables and the props scattered on the floor. For his act which he called `A Symphony in Silk` he appeared to have bought every handkerchief trick in the catalogues and was prepared to demonstrate them all. He believed that flash and colour backed with loud music was the key to a successful act. Handkerchiefs appeared and vanished, changed colour, became bigger, tied and untied themselves and did other illogical things. All this was with the help of assorted bags, boxes and tubes. The music consisted of various tracks of different beat and style with gaps in between which included switching on and off noises. Silkano seemed to be having a race with his music to achieve a dead heat at the end. The music won and finished before he did due to some unplanned incidents in the act. When the props fell on the floor Silkano had not been able to replace them as before and when he reached into one box whatever he was trying to take out jammed. Because there was a pause in the music he was heard to say`Ah S—t`. From then on amongst the Magical Mystics this prop was known as an `Ah S—T Box`. When he showed a tube empty and produced dozens of handkerchiefs from it for the finale of his act it fell a bit flat as everybody had seen the other end when it fell on the floor and it didn`t look empty then. And so the competition ended and everyone retired to the bar to await the late show. There was no plan to this and it was a replay of the monthly meetings with those who usually performed doing so and those who sat back and criticized doing what they usually did. There was a good example of practical misdirection when Tricky Teddy spilt a glass of beer on his helper while pretending to extract coins from her hair. Mickey went off to bed tired but happy that his efforts had gone well and he was being accepted as an equal by the conventioneers.

Next morning there was a delayed start as people got up late and a fuss because the dining room stopped serving breakfast at 10.30. The dealers opened, people came and looked at their tables and as they were the same as the day before went away again. Groups of magicians hunched over tables in the bar and lobby showing each other the same card tricks again and complained that the dealers had very little new and what they had was very expensive. In the afternoon The Visiting Celebrity gave his lecture. This was well attended and his items were fairly practical. It was a bit spoiled by Nigel the librarian pointing out that most of his lecture was in back numbers of magazines and the Visiting Celebrity was claiming credit falsely. His denial of this was discredited when those who bought his lecture notes discovered that they were mostly photocopied magazine pages with the author`s name deleted.

The competition judges had met during the day to agree on the winners. The had marked the contestants on Magical Ability, Originality, Presentation and Entertainment Value. They had added up their marks and given the winners names to the President in sealed envelopes to announce at the Grand Banquet. The Visiting Celebrity had refused to give any marks for Entertainment to anyone he couldn’t see and hear from the back row and very low marks for Magical Ability to anyone whose tricks didn`t work. In the close up one of the contestants was disqualified because he had gone over the time allowed and one judge refused to give Harry any marks because he didn`t do his act sitting at the table which he maintained was what close up was all about. All entrants to the Stage section were told that if they won they were expected to repeat their act on the Gala Show.

The Grand Banquet was neither Grand nor a Banquet. It was served almost an hour late. This was to give more time for pre dinner drinks and because the hotel had a wedding party in with over 200 guests. With just 60 for the magicians Banquet they took second place and had to wait until the wedding meal had been served and the plates washed. This saved the hotel hiring extra casual staff and by serving the same menu the costs were met by the wedding and the magicians were clear profit. Some of the conventioneers had discovered the wedding and were using the guests as victims for their card tricks. The Best Man had to ask them to leave so they could get on with the speeches. At this stage nearly every table had a signed playing card and enough insults to put them off close up magic for life. The Convention banquet was four courses . Starter: Seafood cocktail. Some shredded lettuce in the bottom of a wine glass, some chopped up white fish, six shrimps and one jumbo prawn. All covered in a pink sauce made by mixing Mayonnaise and Tomato Ketchup. Served with one Roll and one foil wrapped pat of butter. Main course: Roast Breast of Turkey with Honey Roast Ham. Served with Fine Herb stuffing and a selection of seasonal fresh vegetables. Two thin slices of Turkey sitting on a slice of ham with a thick wad of Paxo stuffing in between to make it look big. One so called Roast potato, really yesterdays boiled, deep fried, and one spoonfull of mixed veg from a caterers freezer pack. Desert: Sherry Trifle with Fresh Dairy Cream. A wine glass with a stale sponge cake soaked in cherry flavoured jelly, topped with a layer of custard and one squirt of well fluffed up cream. As the main course had been sitting on the hotplate for two hours it was rather dry so the chef made a thin gravy and poured it over each plate where it was quickly soaked up by the potato. Fourth Course: One cup of Tea or Coffee. During the meal the President proposed the toast to the Guests and the Visiting Celebrity replied. He finished his speech by proposing a toast to the Magical Mystics only he called them the Mystical Magicians. He also got the Presidents name wrong. Most diners drank the toasts in water as no wine was supplied except to the Presidents table. After the Banquet the President announced the competition winners. Close Up competition: Vandonini. Best comedy Trick, for his hilarious rotten egg trick: Vandonini. Stage Competition, for his original Newspaper Act: Vandonini.

Mickey Mac could hardly believe it as he collected a Shield, a Cup and a Plaque with a wand and a fan of cards on it. Dovini was none too pleased as he already had put his props on one side of the stage in anticipation of being on the Gala Show as a winner. Duke Silkano was equally miffed as he had placed his props on the other side being equally confident that he would win. Harry, the secretary, was in charge of the Gala show and now realised that his programme was going to be a bit unbalanced as there was no showy act. He had asked Santano to do twenty minutes of his Hypnotism act and he decided to ask both Dovini and Silkano to perform so as not to offend either of them. He also had the Visiting Celebrity as an appearance on the Gala Show was included in his fee.

The Gala Show was a great success and good from the performers point of view. This was mainly because a large number of the wedding guests found the band too loud and came in to see what was happening. They actually laughed and clapped in the right places. Unlike the conventioneers who had seen all the acts before, had been force fed tricks for the past two days and so didn`t laugh or clap very much at all.

. Harry, as compere, worked his way through his regular act between the other acts. Mickey Mac, found that being announced as the winner of the competition gave him a confidence he hadn`t experienced before. He hammed up the end of the handkerchief to egg as if it was rotten but didn’t get the same laughs as when he really got taken by surprise. Dovini and Duke Silkano gave the audience colour and mystery and were rewarded by applause at the right time. Mickey was still puzzled by Dovini`s rabbit which appeared real but didn`t seem to require food or a proper cage. Santano, was supposed to do twenty minutes but did forty five. He was a great showman for real people who didn`t know or care that the hilariously funny hypnotized volunteers were members of the Real Magicians Club with a well tried routine. The Visiting Celebrity closed the show with the tricks from his lecture. He did them well and the reaction of the audience caused some magicians to change their minds about his material and ask their friends for photocopies of his lecture notes.

Dovini congratulated Mickey who plucked up courage to ask about his rabbit. The story was stranger than anything he had come across before. A few years ago Dovini had been doing a childrens show and when the time came to produce the rabbit he discovered that it was dead. He had no option but to carry on and nobody seemed to notice. As he had another party the same afternoon he produced it again later on to the usual `Oohs and Aahs`. He refused requests to be let hold and pet the creature on the grounds that it was not feeling well (too true) and might bite. As it happened on a Saturday and he had two bookings for the Sunday he put the rabbit in the deep freeze overnight and produced it twice again. That was three years previously and he had used it that way ever since. He kept it in the deep freeze between shows and carried it in an insulated container. Leaving it out for a little while allowed its fur to thaw and become a bit fluffy. If he had to travel for a few days he got ice cubes in the hotel and put them in with it. This had worked well and he knew that a deep frozen turkey took at least twenty four hours to defrost. One snag was that holding it close was liable to give you a damp patch on your jacket but sometimes a live rabbit did that anyway. Mickey thought this was a bit macabre but Dovini assured him that this was the modern version of a stuffed rabbit.

Mickey Macs success got his name in the papers. `Teenage Trickster is Champion Wizard`. This generated a phone call from his Mother hoping he wasn`t neglecting his studies and telling him that the local agricultural show committee had asked if he would appear at their summer event.

And so Mickey came to the end of his first year with the Magical Mystics. He had joined as an inexperienced amateur and was now entitled to call himself an award winning performer. He gave up magic for three weeks to study for his exams, devised a system of smuggling information into the exam hall so he wouldn`t have to learn things off by heart and managed to scrape through. His father told him he should get a job for the summer to get some practical business experience. Mickey thought this was a good idea and decided to become a professional magician. It wasn`t quite what his father had in mind and how he got on with it will have to wait for another time.