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Many thanks to Neville for letting us run this in IrishMagicNews. Neville is a deeply knowledgeable and respected historian on Irish magic, has been published in many trade magazines and performs professionally for children and family audiences. The serialisation of The Vandonini Story is kindly supplied by Neville for publication on this website only. It is © of Neville and may not be reproduced in any form without his prior consent. You can contact Neville through his e-mail here

THE STORY OF

VANDONINI

By NEVILLE WILTSHIRE

All characters are fictional.

If you think one of them is you, you should be ashamed of your self

Michael Mc Halligan , known to his friends as Mickey Mac, lived in a country town. His father owned a financial services agency and his mother ran a craft and souvenir shop. He was the eldest child with three younger sisters and attended a good local school. His parents planned that he should go to university to graduate in Business Studies and eventually take over his father's business. However things are never straightforward and soon after his fourteenth birthday his life took a downward turn when the Magic Bug bit him.

Every year the family visited the nearest city in December. This was to keep in touch with relatives and to do the Christmas shopping. For the children this included a visit to Santa in one of the department stores. Michael at fourteen was too old for this so he extracted the Grotto admission fee from his mother and went to buy something for himself. He came across a small crowd around a black velvet covered counter where a man wearing a fez appeared to be catching playing cards out of the air. `Gather `round and see the miracle of the age`. You too can become a marvellous entertainer and be the envy of your friends. With this wonderful pack of cards you can perform over thirty different tricks. Come in closer and let me show you an example of the miracles you can do` He then proceeded to flabbergast Mickey Mac. A chosen card moved from the middle of the pack to the top, the bottom and into his pocket. It turned up when he spelt his name although the man couldn't possibly have known it. The cards were definitely all different although they behaved as if they were all the same. The biggest surprise was the price. Due to bulk purchase this key to fame only cost £5 and came with full instructions and a money back guarantee. Mickey was waving a note when his mother grabbed him and hustled him out of the shop to the sound of his sisters complaining that `That wasn't the real Santa Claus because He would not smell of beer and would know what they wanted in their stockings because they had written to him weeks ago.

Mickey found it difficult to sleep. The couch in his aunt's house was hard and chosen cards kept appearing in front of his eyes. Next morning he returned to the shop very early and made his way to the salesman's stand. Without his fez he was quite bald and appeared to be slicing playing cards on a photographic trimmer. Not only was he happy to take Mickey`s £5 but actually took the time to show him how to use the pack. This was just as well because the instructions were a very bad photocopy with almost black illustrations and the money back guarantee was for defective workmanship only, not for inability to do the tricks. The salesman told him that to be a good magician one must practice hard and never, never, tell anyone the secret. (It seemed to be all right to sell the secret).

During the Christmas festivities Mickey demonstrated his newfound skill to anyone who called to the house. Indulging Aunts an Uncles expressed astonishment while cousins called him a show-off. His sisters wanted to know why the chosen card was always the three of clubs and there was one disaster when he dropped the pack and the cards spread out face up on the floor.

From now on Mickey was hooked. His thirst for knowledge exceeded the supply. The local library had some books, which he soon knew off by heart. One had an appendix of dealers in apparatus, magic societies and magazines. He wrote to these but most letters came back marked not at this address or no longer in business. He did get a reply from a well known club but they wanted him to be proposed by two members and he had never met any other magicians except the trick pack salesman and he had moved on to fresh pastures.
Mickey could now magically mend a broken matchstick, vanish a coin in a match box and turn three different sized pieces of string into three pieces the same length. He also knew how to find a chosen card in an ordinary pack, which was useful, as his `Magic Pack ` was getting the bottom edges frayed.

Occasionally there had been some magicians on television. Their type of show was far removed from Mickey`s range. To get on the box you seemed need tigers, lots of smoke and the ability to cover up doing nothing by dancing around. He noticed that these people were so highly thought of that show business celebrities turned out in pairs to introduce them and assure the viewers that there were no camera tricks.

It was in the summer of the year he was approaching seventeen and his final year at school that he finally decided to sell the guitar he bought when he wanted to be a pop singer and concentrate on becoming a professional magician.

For the summer holidays the McHalligan family took a self-catering apartment in a busy tourist resort. To Mickey`s delight a well known comedian had an evening show in one of the hotels and his supporting act was a magician. Although he wasn`t supposed to be on licensed premises under eighteen, he looked respectable and got in to the show. It was a Tuesday evening and the audience was a bit sparse so he got a seat at the front.

The magician did nearly an hour. Immaculately dressed and assisted by a beautiful girl, for fifteen minutes he produced scarves from the air to chords from a loud backing track and then found birds inside them. The birds were placed in a chrome cage, which vanished in mid air to a crescendo of music. Mickey applauded vigorously which encouraged the rest of the audience to stop talking and clap politely. The magician returned and performed a series of tricks to patter designed for a larger audience. Amongst the tricks was one with three ropes. Mickey recognised this as the same as his with the bits of string except he couldn`t count them separately or turn them into one long piece at the end. There was a card trick in which cards were repeatedly counted, some thrown away, and there were still the same number left. With some difficulty a £20 was borrowed, burnt and found inside a grapefruit the lender had been given as security. There was also a very noisy trick with three large shiny metal rings linking and unlinking. As these were not handed out for examination it didn't take much to work out that one of them had a gap in it, which the magician kept covered with his thumb. Mickey volunteered to go on the stage and ended up with his head in a model guillotine looking into a bucket on the floor with the words `When I count to three scream as loud as you can` written on the bottom. As a reward for his assistance he was given a free pass for the show `anywhere in the world` and a certificate to say he had assisted and that the magician who called himself CHARLINI had won prizes for magic and was available for all sorts of shows. Mickey came back the following night but was refused as a helper. He still was unable to solve the three ropes and card counting trick. It was strange that the magician made the same mistake of dropping a scarf just before producing some umbrellas and refused to take two £10 notes instead of a £20.

Not wanting to hear the comedian again Mickey went to the door and asked to see Charlini. He was told to wait and ten minutes later Charlini and his assistant came out. Charlini , who said `Call me Charlie, that’ s my real name but you have to sound like Houdini to get booked`. This is my assistant Maggie. Mickey had heard of Houdini but thought he was dead. However he stored the advice away for use when he became a professional. Maggie looked a bit different in jumper and jeans and didn't appear very interested in Mickey`s broken and restored matchstick.

During the remainder of his holiday Mickey visited Charlie three times. It turned out that Charlie also did a bit of dealing in magic tricks. Mickey bought a book of `Card tricks you can do` by Charlini. He was disappointed that it didn't contain the trick where you counted and threw away cards and when he asked Charlie about it he told him that he would need to be doing magic for at least three years to before attempting an advanced trick like that.

Charlie also loaned Mickey a copy of a magazine which was published every week for magicians He found the reports of club dinners boring and the descriptions of card tricks incomprehensible but the advertisements were an `Open Sesame` to unimagined sources of information and merchandise. Within weeks lists and catalogues were arriving and being searched and researched. Mickey lived through the same experiences of many a young hopeful. Acquisition of miracles was limited by the amount of money available, the postal service was never fast enough and there were very few instantly workable items. There was a new language to be learned, -`Dealer Speak` `Ideal for stage performance` meant that the method of working was obvious to anyone closer than 50 metres or slightly to one side and `Suitable for close-up` was so small that it was difficult to see never mind follow what was going on. In spite of this Mickey soon got himself a selection of workable tricks (and half a cupboard of rubbish) and felt that he was now ready to launch himself into the world of entertainment.

Christmas was coming and with it the annual school concert. Apart from the mandatory Nativity Play with sheet wrapped mixed infants milling around a heap of straw, talented students were encouraged to perform. That was until Mickey Mac offered his services to the organising teacher. She had a poor opinion of magicians having in her youth been enticed to help one while on a package holiday. Her memory was of innuendo culminating with what was represented as part of her underwear being waved around tied between two handkerchiefs. However Mickey`s mother was on the parents committee and she assured the teacher that her son would never stoop to anything vulgar and space had better be found on the programme as the teachers contract renewal meeting was due in January. So, Mickey was allocated ten minutes, after the violin solo and before the Irish dancers. He had two weeks to plan and rehearse so he immediately got his parents to buy his Christmas present in advance and sent off for a spectacular production trick hoping it would arrive in time. It didn't. On the day before the concert he got a terse note from the dealer saying that the item was temporarily out of stock and new supplies were expected in a few weeks when it would be despatched without delay. The truth was that they never had it in stock but when an order arrived there was a chap who made it up in his garage but he was busy doing his own Christmas shows.

Mickey had an opener, a couple of tricks for in between, but no closer. He had read that a well-known professional closed his act with the Hydrostatic glass. He had one of these but never used it in front of a real audience. When he did it for his Granny in the kitchen she said, `Let me see that tumbler, it must have a lid on it`. However this was unlikely to happen at the concert where he would have the advantage of a stage and had bought a book of `Heckler Stoppers` Some of these he didn't understand but they sounded smart.

Mickey now had an act. He would open with the stage dark and loud music playing on his C.D. player. He knew this was the right thing to do as Charlini had done it to get the audience's attention at the start of his cabaret act. Then he would walk on carrying a flaming torch, which would vanish just as the music ended and the lights came on. He had bribed his oldest sister to work the lights and the music. Then he was going to do his trick with the three different sized ropes becoming the same size. He had copied Charlini's patter about the three bears for this. Next would come the counting cards trick which he now knew was called `6 card Repeat`. When he bought this he had been surprised that it was so easy to do and certainly didn't need three years practice. To close he would do the Hydrostatic Glass.

His mother had a nice plant stand, which with a scarf over it would make a good table easy to carry on. On the day before the concert Micky felt nervous but confident and hoped his sister wouldn't let him down.

The concert was going well. The mixed infants hadn't made too many mistakes and only one of them had cried. The parents were in an appreciative mood and had applauded the violinist's first piece generously. Mickey stood in the wings with his torch well soaked in lamp oil and his matches ready. His sister was at the light switch on the opposite side with the C.D. player plugged in ready to plunge the stage into darkness and start the last two minutes of `Chariots of Fire`. Mickey thought this was good music for a vanishing torch as there was a sort of Olympic connection. The violinist finished, the school principal announced `Now we have something different- (here he looked at the piece of paper Mickey had given him)-The marvellous Magic of Mickey McHalligan` Mickey lit his torch, the lights went out and he waited for the music to start. It didn't. `Start the music` Mickey shouted across to his sister. `I can't find the right button in the dark` she shouted back and put the lights on again. The music started `Put the lights out` yelled Mickey. She did and the music stopped. The stage lights and power were on the one switch. By now Mickey noticed that the handle of his flaming torch was getting uncomfortably hot. He had never had it lit for so long before. The mechanics of the trick made it impossible for him to change hands so he strode onto the dark, silent stage, waved the torch around, it was now very hot, smoky and smelly so he vanished it fairly smartly. This resulted in a bad scorch mark on the sleeve of his best shirt and a searing pain from a nasty burn on his upper right arm. His mother, who knew what was supposed to happen and at that stage didn't know about the damage to his shirt, started to clap. Unfortunately the rest of the audience hadn't realised that something clever had occurred and didn't follow her example. Mickey`s sister knew that when the torch vanished she had to switch on the lights again. This she did and as the C.D. player was still in `Play` mode the music started as well and stopped after five seconds. Some of the audience now decided that this was supposed to be some sort of comedy act and laughed heartily to encourage Mickey. They soon stopped when his mother turned around and glared at them.

The three rope trick went well. When the ropes became the same size there was a genuine murmur of surprise. The three bears patter didn't get the laughs Charlini got but he did get a good clap at the end. With his arm getting more painful every minute counting cards for the `Six card repeat` was a bit of an ordeal. Also, when he was lifting his table on, water for the Hydrostatic Glass spilt on the cards making them stick together. At one stage when he threw away three he only had four left but the audience didn't know or care what was supposed to happen and after he had shown that he could throw some away and still have the same number left five times someone shouted `Don't be a litter bug ` and he didn't have a reply for that.

There was some applause when the water didn't fall out of the upside down tumbler but when he released it over a bowl most of it went on the floor and something round and hard to see hit the edge, bounced on the table and rolled across the stage never to be seen again. That was the end of the act so Mickey walked off to find his exit blocked by the dancers who were coming on next. Especially by their teacher who grabbed his damaged arm, dragged him back on stage and pointing to the soggy cards scattered around commanded him to clean it up because she didn't want her dancers slipping and breaking their legs and its a pity that people wouldn't have more consideration for others so go and get a brush now. Mickey sheepishly cleaned the stage and was horrified to receive a better round of applause for that than for anything in his act.

At the tea and cakes afterwards Mickey was pleasantly surprised by the number of people who told him how much they enjoyed his contribution `especially that bit at the end where you pretended to have a row with the dancing teacher - very funny and so original`. Next day he got a phone call from a local social worker who said he was putting on a show for deprived children and would Mickey do his act. Mickey jumped at the chance but decided that it was time to have a stage name. He remembered what Charlini had said about sounding like Houdini, but he had since come across names beginning with Van or ending in O. He rejected Van Michael and Micini. His second name was Donal and so Mickey Mac became Vandonini the Marvellous Magician.

Vandonini, who is really Mickey McHannigan, known to his friends as Mickey Mac, was facing the first real challenge of his magical career. Following his success at the school concert, one of the parents, a social worker, had asked him to perform at a party for deprived children. Mickey jumped at the chance but was now having difficulty putting a programme together. He had only done ten minutes on the school concert but said he would do half an hour for the party. It was being held in a community hall and two hundred had been invited. It was amazing how many families had decided their children were deprived when they heard there was a free party going.

Mickey decided that he needed special material for this event, which was scheduled for mid-January. As he had let all his relations know that cash was the most acceptable Christmas gift he had money to spend and so made a phone call to a Magic dealer to seek advice on the best tricks for children. The dealer, who could smell profit down a phone line, told him that the secret of successful children's` entertainment was lots of audience participation. The best way to get this was by doing `sucker` tricks and having `bits of business`. Fortunately there were some very good items in stock and he had an excellent book full of good ideas.

So, one week and £200 later Mickey had all the trappings of a successful children's entertainer, Two different coloured wooden cut-out rabbits in heavy wooden covers, a wand which fell to bits when handed to a helper, a strange two door toy house with a metal cut-out rabbit and some cards with pictures of Top Hats and rabbits. He also had a fairly thick book called ` The complete guide to children's` magic. This was written by a man who claimed to be an expert as he had been doing magic since he himself was a child and so knew all about it. Mickey found some bits of business which seemed very funny and a lot of tricks most of which seemed to need a thing called a changing bag that he didn't have. There was also a whole load of irrelevant material, which was no use to a teenager who just wanted to do a show. Stupid things like the best sort of car to have and how to talk to someone on the phone.

Mickey Mac got a useable bit of business when the family went to the local dramatic society pantomime. The Dame, who was the local postman, got great mileage on his/her first entrance by getting the audience to say` hello` five times by pretending not to hear very well. Mickey reckoned that this would make a good opener for the deprived children, as visits to the pantomime would be one of the things they would be deprived of.

Mickey now had an opener; some audience participative tricks and decided to close with the changing rabbits in the wooden covers. The long ordered production box that he hoped to finish with had arrived. The book said that a production was the best way to end children's show. However the box was the size of a small garden shed and he didn't have anything suitable to put in it. Once again he felt he had been misled as the catalogue showed a whole lot of things being produced and said it could be done without practice but not that you had to find the contents yourself.

Two days before the show the organiser rang him to say that there was a slight change of plan. A very large number was expected so they had to split them into two sittings for tea. He hoped Mickey would do his show twice while the other group was having tea. Mickey agreed, as it was another opportunity to perform. He knew the community hall was large with a stage so he asked if there would be a microphone available. As he didn't know what he was going to do if there wasn't he was glad to hear that there was to be a disco as well and the D.J. would let him use his mike.

Vandonini, who is really Mickey McHalligan had persuaded his father to drive him to the venue rather than having to use public transport. He felt it would be better for the Great Vandonini to arrive in a chauffeur driven limousine rather than walk from the nearest bus stop, especially as the community centre was in a pretty rough area. But then deprived children don`t usually live in the best suburbs.

The community centre had a sign saying `No ticket- No entry` and a man on the gate who seemed about six feet in all directions to enforce it. He didn't want to let Mickey and his father through the gate as he `Knew nothing about any magician and nobody was to be let in without a ticket. ` Eventually he agreed to ask the organiser and to his anger found he had to let them in after all. Mickeys father asked if it was safe to leave the car unattended outside and was assured it was because all the known car thieves were inside at the party.

Inside the hall it didn't look like the set up where a magic show by a teenager would be the best entertainment. Disco music and flashing lights were at full volume and strength. The type of dancing going on was either sliding on the polished floor to see how long a black skid mark you could make or going around in groups trying to knock other groups over. Although the party was supposed to be for 5 to 12 year olds there were a lot of teenage girls most of whom had babies in buggies. It was an opportunity for stressed mothers to get all the children off their hands for an afternoon.

The organiser wanted the first show as soon as possible. There was a difficulty finding space on the stage as the Disco lights and speakers were all along the front and last nights Bingo equipment was behind them.

Eventually room was made for Mickey`s two tables. These looked very nice with large silver `V` on the front. One of them had a hole cut in the top. This was because magician's tables are supposed to be like this and you couldn't expect to succeed unless you followed the rules.

There was further delay while Mickey sorted out his microphone. The D.J. handed him one on a long lead but the only stand for it was attached to the console. He told Mickey that ` proper performers` (singers) didn't need a stand and anyway he should have thought of that so why didn't he hang it around his neck on a piece of string. Not a piece was to be found so the D.J. who was very resourceful suggested that as Mickey wouldn't be doing any dancing he could use his shoelaces. There was a further snag as some of the disco lights were connected to the microphone and flashed faster as the volume increased. The D.J. said there was nothing he could do about this and it never worried `proper performers` (singers).

Mickey was now ready to start. The organiser stopped the music in mid riot and announced that the party meal would be served in the small hall and would all those with tickets numbered 1 to 100 please go while those with tickets 101 to 200 were to stay in the main hall for a great magic show.

Nearly everybody made a rush for the small hall. Their thinking was that the first sitting would get the best of the goodies or to get in again on the second sitting. There were also a number who claimed they had lost their tickets either because they wanted to save it for a second go or because they had come in on a ticket and passed it outside to be used again. The bouncer on the door was called in to help sort things out. While he was away from the door a group of about ten that he had barred sneaked in. Eventually the children were divided into two. One lot returned to the main hall for the show while the rest got their party `meal`. This was a plastic bag containing a cheap soft drink in a plastic bottle, a bag of crisps, a toffee bar, two lollipops and a bag of mixed sweets in assorted stomach churning colours and shapes including realistic marshmallow false teeth and sugared jelly worms. Some of the smart ones quickly pocketed one item from their bag which they showed to the helpers as having been left short and were given a replacement, This ruse was detected and stopped after six tries which allowed the not so smart to complain that some had two drinks and they only got one. This complaint they emphasised by banging their bottles on the table and chanting `We want more--We want more`. Helpless helpers then decided to dish out party blowouts and whistles that (sensibly) they had planned to distribute as the children left the building. After this the helpers could truthfully say that they didn't hear anyone complaining because they couldn't hear anything.

Meanwhile, in the big hall Mickey was battling on. His planned `Hello Boys and Girls` opener hadn't quite worked. When he moved to the front of the stage the loudspeakers gave off the most terrible whine. The D.J. was very scathing about this as he moved the speakers forward saying that `Proper performers (singers) knew that if you stood in front of a loudspeaker with an open mike you got feedback`. This sorted out, Mickey started again and said `Hello. Boys and Girls, My name is Vandonini `- at this point he was interrupted by a boy shouting `No it`s not, you're Mickey Mac and you go to school with my brother`. The audience started chanting- Mickey Mac- Mickey Mac- Mickey Mac-. Not knowing what to do Mickey advanced to the front of the stage to try to silence them, this made the loudspeakers whine again. The chant stopped and Mickey had accidentally discovered a child quietening tool which he used many times later in his magical career. There being some semblance of order Mickey went into his three rope trick. There was actually a reaction when they all became the same size and a puzzled murmur at the end. A request for two helpers generated a fight at the bottom of the stage steps and a profane objection from the D.J. about not letting those of uncertain parentage near his equipment. Eventually a boy and a girl were selected. It was difficult to tell which was which as they were both dressed in similar tee shirts, jeans and trainers and had shaved heads.

Mickey took the opportunity to try out one of the recommended ` Bits of Business` which was supposed to be hilariously funny. This consisted of making a rhyme out of the helpers name. He had no trouble with the girl, whose name was Lily,- `This is Lily, I`m sure she`s not silly`. However the boy`s name was Bart and even Mickey knew that he shouldn`t say the only word he could think of that rhymed. The audience did not have the same restraint and began to chant` Bart is a F--t, Bart is a F--t. Again the shrieking loudspeakers were employed and Mickey involved the helpers in counting two piles of 15 cards and making three go from one pile to the other. The boy had some difficulty in working out what 3 from 15 left and the girl seemed to find three extra cards before they were supposed to have left the other pile. All things considered it went well and Mickey managed to get a round of applause for his helpers.

At this stage one of the organisers told Mickey to finish soon as the other children had eaten all their sweets and wanted to be let out. His final trick was the one where the black and white rabbits changed places under wooden covers and had a `sucker` finish. It got off to a bad start when he showed two white rabbits and had to change them to two black ones. (He afterwards put coloured marks on the bases so he never made that mistake again) This change got the desired reaction of `You turned them around` so Mickey showed them how clever he was by showing the other sides were red and yellow. Instead of the tumultuous applause he expected, there was a nasty sort of snarling noise and the audience erupted into a chant of `Cheater- Cheater- Cheater`. The show finished as the tea room door was opened and the organisers tried to get those who had been fed out and those who hadn`t, in.

Mickey started his second show to a smaller audience than the first. This was because the smart ones reckoned that if they went into the tea room again they would get a second helping of goodies. The opening. where he got the audience to shout `Hello` louder and louder, went well. So well that some of the shouters got a second helping of goodies by regurgitation. The audience discovered that shouting made the disco lights flash so Mickey had to use the shrieking loudspeakers again. The rope trick got a good reaction and the cards across held the attention of at least the front row. This could have been because the girl helper threatened to come down and sort them out if they didn`t stop slagging her. As he was doing well Mickey decided to do his trick with the pictures of rabbits and top hats. This again involved counting and after he had counted out the third pile of three cards the audience started chanting `Boring-Boring-Boring`. Mickey finished quickly and went into his last trick with the colour changing rabbits. He was just working up to `You turned them around` when the tea room door burst open and his first audience arrived again. As they had seen the trick before they began to yell `Yellow and Red- Yellow and Red` which sort of killed the climax stone dead. Mickey finished up rapidly, the D.J. called for a big hand for the Great Vandonini, which everybody ignored , and turned on the music at full volume.

Mickey Mac packed up his things quickly as the noise of the Disco was hurting his ears. He now knew why the D.J. wore headphones. As he carried his case and two tables down the stage steps one of his shoes fell off and he had to crawl under the stage to retrieve it. His shoelaces were still around his neck. As he made it through the unruly mob to the door where his father was standing so he could watch his car, two good things happened. The organiser thanked him warmly, saying that the entertainer at the last party (a singer) had given up after two songs and a boy with the remains of sticky sweets on his cheeks said `Hey mister! How did you get them rabbits to change colour? Come on you can tell me, I won`t tell any of the others` Mickey gave him one of the smart answers he had read in The Complete Guide to Childrens Magic,- Can you keep a secret? Good, so can I. This made the boy angry and he said that the show was rubbish and the singer they had at the last party was better. Mickey knew he had won that round.

On the way home, Mickey`s father gave him a lecture on the `stupidity of wanting to be a professional magician if all you can get is an audience of animals like that and you had better concentrate on your studies so you can go to college, get a business degree and come into the business with me.' But Mickey wasn`t really listening because he knew he had just fooled some of the toughest kids around and he was trying to work out how to make a microphone holder out of coat hanger wire so he wouldn`t be humiliated by the D.J. next time.

You will remember Michael McHannigan, known to his friends as Mickey Mac, who became ‘The Great Vandonini‘ during his late teens. Although he wanted to leave school and become a professional magician as soon as possible he complied with his mothers pleading and his father's insistence to go to college and get a business degree. This is what his parents believed. It was really because he met a children’s magician called Wally the Wizard at a local festival. He told him to forget about reading magic books and start learning about sales and marketing as it wasn’t any good being clever if you couldn’t sell and know if you were making a profit. He himself was a good example as his act consisted of three tricks, an interlude where he hid behind a doll whose lips moved and a one balloon animal which took five minutes to make. The business acumen showed when he sold a bag containing 3 balloons with instructions for a one balloon animal, a duplicated sheet of simple tricks and puzzles and picture to be coloured and sent back (with 4 stamps for handling) for entry in the ‘National Children’s Art Competition‘. A ‘famous artist‘ would judge this and the winners pictures would be submitted for inclusion in an ‘International Art Competition‘. Winners would be notified. As there was no space for a name and address on the pictures very few came back and those who did got a postcard thanking them but regretting that their picture had not reached the standard required to go to the next stage. This item made about 300 % profit and got rid of the black and white balloons he couldn’t use. Wally gave one of these packs free to his helper so every body would want one.

Mickey Mac now found himself in September at college in a large city able to follow his passion for magic. He had a generous allowance and lived in a small bedsit owned by an aunt. First year exams were nine months away so he started to infiltrate the local magical scene. The Yellow Pages gave him a list of names of Magical Entertainers each of whom claimed to be better than the others. One of them `Magiconi` had five different ads covering various types of acts from close-up to stage illusions with kids shows, ventriloquism and mind reading in between. Mickey Mac phoned him several times but always got an answering machine. Presumably someone that talented was too busy doing shows to answer the phone himself. Not so. He worked on shift in a factory, doing a lot of overtime to make a decent income.

Mickey tried another called ‘ Santano‘ whose ad had enthusiastic comments attributed to celebrities. ‘The best I’ve seen‘ and ‘A brilliant entertainer‘. Really edited versions of ‘The best I’ve seen tonight‘ and ‘Could be a brilliant entertainer if he wasn’t so arrogant. ‘ A lady who informed Mickey that she handled all the business arrangements answered the phone. On learning that this was not a booking and Mickey wanted to make contact with other magicians she told him that he should ring someone else as he had picked the only full time professional in the book. The others were all amateurs with day jobs and Mr Santano did not mix with them, as they only wanted to copy his act. Santano was really an ex bus driver who had discovered that a pain in the back was a passport to a disability payment and he didn’t need a day job.

After several more frustrating phone calls including an encounter with a deaf granny and a chatty four year old, Mickey found, amongst the smaller ads a man calling himself ‘Tricky Teddy‘ but whose real name was Eddie Grey. He was very friendly and a committee member of the local magic club, The Magical Mystics. This club had been in existence for forty years. Eddie had been one of the founders and there were about thirty members. There was another club called the Real Magicians Circle. This was set up five years ago by Santano who had been a very enthusiastic member of the Magical Mystics in its formative years. Indeed he had been made an Honorary Life Member in recognition of his fund raising activities. However he got miffed when he was beaten in a close up competition when the wrong card stuck to the ceiling. Santano claimed that the spectator lied to embarrass him and so formed his own club for ‘Real ‘ magicians. He still came to Mystics meetings as he did a bit of dealing and to pass derogatory comments about any tricks that were performed. Irreverently, members of the Real Magicians were called Santano‘s Stooges as when he did a full evening show some of them usually turned up as volunteers for his hypnosis demonstration. He was nicknamed ‘The Great Suntan‘ as he claimed he regularly flew to the middle east to entertain at Sheikhs private parties and wore make-up to look sun burned. Eddie promised to send Mickey an application form and told him that he would have to do an audition in front of the members before being accepted. If he got the form back quickly he would be in time to do this at the start of season meeting in October which was always the Annual General Meeting.

The application form arrived a few days later. Mickey was surprised that a club for people interested in a fun hobby would demand so much. They wanted details of age, education, magic status and asked if he had ever been expelled from any magic organisation. He had to sign a declaration that he would not expose any modus operandi (he was expected to know latin). Another requirement was that he would not ‘place any legitimate performer in a predicament while that person is before an audience‘. Presumably this was to stop him saying ‘I know how that‘s done‘ and could lead to condoning mediocrity. Anyway he couldn‘t be expected to know the details of all performers parentage. The item that troubled his conscience most was where he had to state he was opposed to cheap literature wherein magical secrets are exposed. Mickey hoped they didn’t know about his half price, remaindered copy of the Mark Wilson Magic Course and Wally the Wizards Bargain pack. He sent off the form and was delighted and excited to be summoned to perform a ten minute audition on the night of the Annual General Meeting.

Mickey decided to show how versatile he was at the audition. First he would do the `Colour changing silk` as he had practised the `acquitments` with the gimmick very carefully. Next would come his favourite `Three different size pieces of rope into three the same size` and he would finish with his latest purchase `Signed card into wallet` to show how up-to-date he was.

The meeting was held in a city centre hotel and Mickey was requested to be there at 8 p.m. to do his audition before the General Meeting started. To be on the safe side he arrived at 7.45, found the room allotted and waited until 8.20 before anyone else arrived. Later on he was to discover that there was always a meeting before the meeting in the bar and nothing happened in the room until at least 9 p.m. The first to arrive was Harry Browne (known professionally as ENWORB) the secretary, complete with bulging briefcase. He knew Mickey was expected and explained that the Annual General Meeting was usually poorly attended as the evening was taken up with reports and the election of officers so there was no time for tricks. A quorum of half the paid up members was required (15) so they would have to wait to see if that many turned up. If they didn`t the meeting would have to be postponed. Harry thought this was tiresome but that`s what the rules said and you couldn`t run a Magic Society without rules. The rules had been drawn up thirty years ago by the founders who saw themselves as potential company directors and were more suited to the corporate boardroom than a magic club.

Other people drifted in including the President Dan Dudley. He called himself Dan the Diddler and had never been seen to perform a trick. He happened to be the manager of the hotel so the meeting room came at a reduced rate. It was he who encouraged the meeting before the meeting and the meeting after the meeting in the bar as this increased turnover on what was usually a slack night. They were all very friendly to Mickey and he recognised some of the names including Santano.At ten past nine the President asked the members to settle down as they had a prospective new member to audition. Mickey had asked to be introduced as Vandonini and so he was introduced as Valdani.

The audition went fairly well. Mickey was nervous and hoped that the polite applause when he changed the colour of the silk hid the rather loud clink of the gimmick off the marker for the signed card as he ditched it in his top pocket. There wasn`t much applause for the rope trick. Magicians don`t clap someone doing a trick they do themselves as this might only encourage them to keep on doing it and lead to the dreaded `Seen it` from their juvenile audiences. Mickey made a mistake in asking Santano to help with the signed card in wallet trick. When he was asked to sign his card Santano asked `why`? `So you will know which card you chose` said Mickey. `I already know ` replied Santano, `It was the four of clubs`. `It`s to show I`m not using duplicates` Said Mickey. `Why would you want to do that`? asked Santano, `everyone knows there is only one of each card in a pack`. `Sign the damn card and stop being awkward` intervened the President. `give the lad a chance` `I am giving him a chance` Said Santano. `I`m giving him a chance to explain why he wants me to ruin a perfectly good pack of cards. Eventually the signed card arrived in Mickeys wallet but when he asked Santano `Is that your signature`? Santano ruined it by saying `Well , it certainly looks very like it, it could be`. Mickey got a strong sympathy round of applause and was asked to wait outside the room while his audition was assessed.

The members agreed that Mickey was a suitable membership candidate and should be let join. Except for Santano who thought that amateurs should not be encouraged to think they were competent performers just because they could do three tricks badly. He felt that it was far too easy to become a member and there was no status attached to it. Harry replied that there was no rule about this and if they were to limit membership to those who performed well they wouldn`t have many, as most of the members could hardly perform at all. Some members took objection to this saying they performed but were fussy where they did it and they certainly were not going to show their best stuff at meetings as it would only be stolen by other members who were too lazy to work up their own routines. Eventually order was restored and it was agreed that Mr. Michael McHannigan, Stage Name Vandonini ,would be admitted to membership. This was communicated to Mickey and duly recorded in the minutes.

Now it was time for the Annual General Meeting. Harry the secretary pointed out that the rules required a quorum of half the members. There were thirty members and only fourteen present. He was sorry to have to draw attention to this but `Rules were Rules`. Someone suggested that if Mickey paid his subscription then they would have the required fifteen members present. This he did and the President started the meeting again.

`Excuse me ` said Harry. `We now have thirty one members and fifteen is not half`. There was then an argument over whether it should be rounded up or down when there was an uneven number. As there was no rule to cover that situation someone suggested that they should make one and get on with the meeting. Harry said that rules could be changed at a General Meeting but this couldn’t be done then as they hadn`t a quorum according to the present rules.

The situation was resolved when Magiconi arrived. He apologised for being late but his last show, the third that day had been late starting. The truth was that he had been working overtime and dashed home to put on his dress suit so it would look as if he was coming from a show. As he hadn`t had time for his tea he had purchased a take away which he proceeded to eat spreading the aroma of curry around the room. The President objected because he wanted all food consumed to be purchased in his hotel. Harry said there was no rule about that so at last the meeting started.

The agenda for the meeting was:- The Presidents report, The Secretary`s report, The Treasurer`s report, The Librarian`s report, The Election of the Committee and any other business.

The President reported that it had been a good year. They had ten meetings:-Silk night, Coin Night, Card night, No card night, Childrens party, Made it myself night, Impromptu night, Visitors night, Visiting Lecturer and the Annual General Meeting. As well as this they had a very successful convention with over sixty attending including ten visitors from abroad.

The Secretary reported that it had been a very good year. They had ten meetings:-

Silk night, Coin Night, Card night, No card night, Childrens party, Made it myself night, Impromptu night, Visitors night, Visiting Lecturer and the Annual General Meeting. As well as this they had a very successful convention with over sixty attending including ten visitors from abroad.

The Treasurer reported that it had been a very bad year. They had ten meetings and the subscriptions only barely covered the room rent. He had just received a letter from the hotel manager saying that the hire of room was being increased by 20% so unless the membership increased or subs. went up they might have to look for a cheaper venue. The visiting lecturer only attracted a small turnout due to a football match on television and so incurred a loss. The presents for the childrens party had not been covered by the price of admission and the convention had cost £300 more than the registration fees mainly because the visitors from abroad had been treated to a meal by the President. The funds were in a very poor state as they had used up the money from a show Santano ran three years ago.

The Librarian, Nigel, reported that it had been a year very like the last few years. Books were borrowed and he had to chase members to bring them back. They had been given a present of books when a member died but these were all written pre 1990 and so contained nothing of interest to the younger magicians. He said the library needed money to buy up-to-date books and DVDs. Harry said that there was no need to buy new books as, judging by the tricks performed at the meetings the members hadn`t read all the old ones.

The meeting then moved to `Matters arising from the Reports`and Mickey Mac began to realise that what went on in a magic club was not all sweetness and light. There seemed to be a high degree of antagonism between Santano and the President. Why was all this money spent on visitors meals? Why was the hotel putting up its room rates? Why did the President`s friends children get better presents than the others at the childrens party? Was this not all because the President was using the club to further his own interests? The President replied that all decisions were taken by the committee on a democratic basis. It was very easy for others to criticise and if the members were not satisfied they would have their opportunity to take over the club with the next item on the agenda `The Election of the Committee` which he as Chairman was now moving to. Mickey thought that this was a long way from the stated objective of the club. `To encourage the Art of Magic and the Brotherhood of Magicians.

The meeting then moved on to the Election of Committee members. Immediately Santano was proposed and seconded for President by two members on the grounds that the club was being run by people who only had magic as a hobby and used it as a status symbol to impress their business associates. After an argument sparked off by an older member commenting that you couldn`t be good at magic unless you were a show-off wanting to impress others Harry stopped the proceedings by stating that `according to the rules` Santano was not eligible to run for President. Santano exploded as he was an Honorary Life Member for services to the club and as such was entitled to hold any position. Harry replied that that was so but the rule about being eligible stated that only paid up members could hold office or vote at General meetings. As an Honorary Member Santano was not required to pay a subscription and as he hadn`t done so he was not a paid up member. Santano could stand for office if he paid his subscription. However, there was another rule which said that members who missed paying had to pay any arrears due before being re-instated as full voting members. Santano had been an honorary member for five years so he really would have to pay six years subscription. The only way around this would be to resign and re-apply as a new member but then `according to the rules` he would have to do an audition and wait until next years General Meeting.

At this stage Santano stormed out of the meeting muttering about `Mickey Mouse magicians` and `incompetent amateurs`. When Santano left the meeting three of his supporters went as well which raised the question of a quorum again. Harry said that there was no rule prohibiting people leaving a meeting once it started and in the interests of moving on proposed that the committee and officers be re-elected en-bloc. There was no rule against it and there was precedent as this had happened for the past four years.

The President seconded the motion as he was loosing profitable time in the bar. He announced that the committee would meet to draw up the programme for the next seasons meetings, thanked all those present for their continued support and brought the meeting to a close.